Posted by: Margaret | 2011/08/12

Gay Teen Girl

Hi, How do I deal with my almost 18 year old teenager that says that she is gay. She told us about 7 months ago and she is still seing the same girl (that is much older than my girl). I have released last month that this may not only be a stage that she is going throug but maybe she will stay this way. How do I go to work to accept this?

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageTeen expert

Hi Margaret,

this can be tough for any parent when they first hear about it, but the most important thing to remember is that your daughter has not changed somehow, she is still the person you know and love and her sexuality doesnt change that.

A couple of organisations that can help you deal with this are Triangle Project based in Cape Town, and Out based in Pretoria, they offer counselling services or perhaps telephonic support if you are not near these cities.

Best wishes

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Our users say:
Posted by: Gail | 2011/10/04

As the Mom of a gay son who came out to me in Matric I want to congratulate you firstly that your daughter''s reationship with you was good enough for her to share what can be a very confusing realisationwith you. She has possibly wrestled with this since early adolescence and while it is a shock to you and in a sense a death of all your dreams for her, accepting her and her partners and embracing them as part of your life can be a very enriching experience. The signs have possibly been there since she was very young but you have ignored and hoped it was a phase. Be happy that she is in a committed relationship and do not fret about the intricacies of intimacy between them. After a   she and her partner are not imagining what you and your husband do in nthe privacy of your bedroom. I have retained friendships with my son''s ex partners that I adored and it is really no different to when your son and a girlfriend youlove end their relationship. Don''t ask who is the man and who the woman as it doesn''t work that way anyway. When you are comfortable with the whole thing do the research on line to satisfy your own curiosity. As a Christian, all sins are equally abhorrent and we are all sinners and judgement and condemnation emanating from so called Christians simply points to the fact that they are usurping God''s role as judge. True christians will tell you to continue to love your child and pray for the difficulties they will face. All that she has done is to reflect back to you the love and trust she has felt from you and is living her truth. Good luck, each step in her life will be a new adventure for you as a family.

Reply to Gail
Posted by: Sandra | 2011/10/04

Dear Margaret
This is a shock to the system, I''ve been there, but you know you accepted and loved her before she came out with it so why should it now make a differnce to how you feel about her.

Love her even more now, it''s okay to tell her that you don''t agree with it but to you she will always be your daughter and you will always love and cherish her. Love her partners the way you would if it was a boy, open your home to them and I promise you, you will always be a part of her life. Don''t try and change her, it causes a lot of sadness in a family.

Reply to Sandra
Posted by: Linda | 2011/10/04

Margaret, i would assure my child that i really love her no matter what. she need you to secure her, cause she is very confused, bare with her, do the nessessary and God will reach out to you both.

Reply to Linda
Posted by: John | 2011/08/24

Hi Margaret,

The truth is if you believe in God, that he made Adam and Eve, and that he made woman to be attracted to males. You need to take your fears to Him, and ask Him to show her His love, grace and forgiveness, which He displayed when Jesus died on the cross.

My many years of reading on the subject - where people turned to be attracted to the opposite sex was due mainly to a traumatic event in their childhood or adult life. You need sit down with her and ask if she has any bitterness or unforgiveness toward you or a family member, maybe ask if she was abused?

And finally I suggest you visit your local church for guidance from the men or woman of God to help you overcome your fears and anxiety.

Reply to John

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