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Question
Posted by: Allis | 2004/11/17

Gay or not??

I am a married woman and recently met 'n group of gay woman. Since I do not like to judge any one the fact that they are gay did not bother me in the least.
Only now I am in love with one of the woman. This is driving me crazy.
Is this a fase or what should I do?

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Gee, Allis, it's hard to tell at any distance. You might fall in like with someone you recently met, but it'd be unusual for a maried woman who has not had gay feelings or experiences in the past, to suddenly fall genuinely in love with a gay woman she only recently met. Shouldn't you maybe bide your time for a bit longer and ain more experience to understand what's going on here ?

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Our users say:
Posted by: Piet | 2004/11/18

I can understand the emotional turmoil you must be going through. Do not decide on anything until you have analysed the whole situation closely:
1. What do you like/love about the woman?
2. Were you madly/passionately in love with your husband or it was just comfortable?
3. Listen to the inner voice, gut feelings or your intution.
The first point is to differentiate between love and lust. What are the true feelings for this woman? The second point is about being honest with yourself. Sometimes the so-called 'normality' can make you date/marry people of opposite sex even if you're not attracted or in love. What is the situation with your husband? Do you like or love him? Do you really love him? Can you honestly say that you want to spend the rest of your life with him? The last point is that no one can ever tell you that you're gay or not gay for that matter. Only you can decide. Take as much time as you need. There's no need to hurry. Be honest with yourself. All these questions are not to confuse you even more but for you to do serious self introspection. Good luck.

Reply to Piet
Posted by: Kernel | 2004/11/17

You cannot fall in love with a person if you have not spent at least some time together and learnt about one another. What is it that you love about this woman?

If you have sexual feelings for her, then the chances are good that you are gay or even bi-sexual. If it is just plain infatuation, I would say you are not gay. You probably are more curious than anything else and this encounter has forced you to think about your own sexuality - and in the process questioning it.

Reply to Kernel
Posted by: Chelle | 2004/11/17

Firstly - besides the issue of being gay, what would you do if you started having these feelings for another man? Would you make a decision to act on them? You say you are a married woman, and as such, you have a commitment to your husband. What difference does it make whether you have an affair with a woman or a man? It would still be an affair.
I do think that there are many times that women do fall in love/ lust/ infatuation with another woman, or another man during their marriage. The option is whether you want to act on this or not.
You are the only one who is control of your actions and your actions should be based on the responsibilities you have towards you husband as well.
It could be a phase that you're going through too - it's never easy to tell. So forget the issue of whether you are gay or not - you love your husband - or don't you?

Reply to Chelle
Posted by: nicci | 2004/11/17

When you say you're inlove, do you mean you're sexually attracted to this woman or just very fond of? If sexual, is this the first woman you're been attracted to this way? If its the first, then I dont think you're gay, but experiencing lust / a fantacy of being with a woman. If this occurs quite often (with woman in general & not necessarily this one) then you might be gay.

My advise is dont entertain these feelings unless you're 100% sure that you can live a lesbian life.
Remember, not only will you betray & hurt your husband, you'll also be leading this woman on, so you must be sure.

Reply to nicci
Posted by: Inc | 2004/11/17

I still don't know what you are going to do about it... if she made a move on you, would you go for it? Have you ever been with a woman? I'm just curious...

Reply to Inc
Posted by: NOT GAY | 2004/11/17

AIEE AIEE LADY - GAY???

HOW CAN YOU LET YOURSELF FALL FOR SUCH THINGS NOT TO MENTION TO BETRAY YOUR HUSBAND!!!

THERE IS A DIFFERENCE BETWEEN LOVE AND LUST...
LOVE IS WHEN 2 PEOPLE (MAN AND WOMAN) DECIDE TO SPENT THE REST OF THERE LIVES TOGETHER THOUGH THE TOUGH TIMES AND ALL...

LUST - IS A SEXUAL FEELING THAT IS STRONG BUT WILL NOT LAST...
MY ADVICE - GET OUT OF THAT WEB ASAP - LESBIAN WOMAN TEND TO JSUT WANT O SLEEP WITH PEOPLE WITH NO COMITTMENT - YOU CAN DO THIS TO YOUR HUSBAND...
THINK CAREFULLY - YOU COULD RUIN YOUR WHOLE LIFE - JUST TO GIVE INTO A LUSTFUL FANTASY????????????

Reply to NOT GAY
Posted by: Allis | 2004/11/17

That is the thing. I don't know if it is just a strong attraction or real love. To me it feels like real love.....
I met them through my husband, he works with some of them.

Reply to Allis
Posted by: Inc | 2004/11/17

oh kraaitjie! I don't know what you are going to do... are you in love for real... or do you just feel a strong attraction to this woman? How did you meet them?

Reply to Inc

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