Posted by: Wondering | 2008/01/13

Gay? How?

I'm just curious, how do you become gay? or what causes it?
I'm Gay and out, but always wondered.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageGay, lesbian and bisexual expert

Hi Wondering and thanks for posting here.

Further to the other responses I can only add that it is interesting that we ask what 'causes' homosexuality, and yet no-one asks what 'causes' heterosexuality.

BTW, if you read this it means the H24 admin problem has been resolved and that I can access the forum again, in which case I'll be responding as regularly as possible.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

Our users say:
Posted by: Nikkits | 2008/01/24



You are already making changes so take it step by step and give yourself a real chance ...


Reply to Nikkits
Posted by: Genen-gp | 2008/01/18

To be GAY
"I don't speak for all gay people,
but only for myself.
I am your brother, your best friend, your parent,
your roommate, your minister, your date
...but I hide it from you.
You make me.
Try to understand what I am feeling.

To be condemned by most churches as sinful,
by some health professionals as pathological and curable and by some laws as criminal.
It's to live two separate lives,
never being able to be completely honest in either.

It's listening to your fellow human beings talking about queers
and making jokes about effeminate males
and athletic looking females
as you stand there,
knowing they would say the same thing about you.

It's to go along with the women/men
as they watch men/women
when you would rather watch
people of your own gender.

It's to awaken every morning,
live every day,
and go to sleep every night fearing discovery and/or rejection
by your family, friends and co-workers.

It's dating people of the opposite gender
when you really don't want to,
just to maintain a cover.

It's pretending to be ignorant about homosexuality
and quietly listening to your straight friends
displaying their ignorance
while you dare not correct them.

It's meeting someone you really like
but are too afraid to find out if they're gay
because they're wearing the same mask as you.

It's going to a public place with your significant other
and never being able to display any affection
to each other.

It's being taught to hate yourself
knowing that you cannot change,
knowing you can never share that wonderful feeling
of being in love with your family and most of your friends.

Now isn't this totally unfair,
then again people seem to believe all of life is anyway,
so ...
I am 29 and I have no choice
but to live my "so-called life" like this.
One day
I will try to change this,
I promise..."

Reply to Genen-gp
Posted by: Nikktis | 2008/01/17

NO LONEWOLF not wishful thinking ... VERY POSSIBLE !!

We just need to keep on EDUCATING, that is all, like a stuck record we need to endless repeat ourselves to people

In time, the mind frame, will sink in IN TIME

Educate what is CORRECT and point out what is not CORRECT

Loved your post Ollie ;)


Reply to Nikktis
Posted by: LONEWOLF | 2008/01/16

Amen to what you say Ollie. I wish people in general (and that includes many gay people) would get it into their heads that being gay is not about sex alone, but about an orientation and a frame of mind. Would make the world a much better place for all of us…. SIGH, only wishful thinking I know.

Posted by: Ollie | 2008/01/15

I second the "Born that way" theory. As some of you might know, my wife & I are trying to have a baby. Yesterday, myself & a couple of colleagues were discussing it, and the one guy said that he'd 'help us out with sperm', if only I knew what to do with a dick (as a joke). And although his ignorant way of thinking pi**ed me off, I managed to get into his head, that it's not the dick that I've got a problem with... I just can not honestly see myself coming home to a man every night. And the way that we live in our house, is the most normal thing we know how to do. So, it is NOT AT ALL about the sex at the end of the day. We live the way that feels normal & which makes sense to us. And this is what I've always pictured my life to be, since I can remember. I've never had the ideal of having picket fencing, a dog and the man of the house to look forward to.

Reply to Ollie
Posted by: TeenQueen | 2008/01/14

Yea, I also stick with the "Born that way" argument. a Very good online resource is www(dot) borngayporcon (dot)org.
Have a looksee.

Reply to TeenQueen
Posted by: Kay | 2008/01/14

There's a wonderful online resource called WIKIPEDIA - use it to find the answer to almost any question including the one you posted.

Reply to Kay
Posted by: LONEWOLF | 2008/01/14

Contrary to what some "experts" say, you cannot become gay because of circumstances, how you were brought up etc. These circumstances might “enhance” what you already are and make it easier to be yourself. One should never confuse being comfortable with gay people and identifying with gay people, with being gay orientated. I can use myself as an example. For as long as I can remember, I was attracted to men. I was sexually abused at a very young age by two different men and at one stage I believed that this had an influence on me being gay. However, I eventually realized that it is a complete orientation and not something that you can decide to become regardless of your environment. I am sure there are people out there who try to decide on this (read gay men married to women), but in the long run it causes all kinds of unwanted results. So what is the bottom-line, you are either gay or not; you cannot become gay. Keep well

Posted by: Pleb | 2008/01/14

Hi There
I have always believed that essentially one is born gay and that circumstances in your formative year's could have had an impact too.

Have a cool day !!.

Reply to Pleb

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