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Posted by: kat | 2006/10/26

garfield (not fighting)

Hi garfield, you know i agree with what you are saying, but the more we read these posts the more i realise that people would rather stay unhappy than chance t on there own. i agree when married or even in a relationship you try work things out. thing is that only works when both parties admit to there faults, generaly one party doesnt believe they have any.

im all for counseling and sorting through shit, you cant go through partners like underwear just coz there are a few issues. its about seeing what is important and working towards that. you have seen how many people out there are in ther 40s and have stuck it out and are on meds and all that coz they are just so unhappy. there marrages are falling apart and if you ask them what life was like with there partner befor they got married they will say that its wsnt that great but they get married anyway expecting it to get better and it doesnt.

why is it that people are just prepared to settle for what they dont realy want just coz they feel its all they will get, or coz its what is expected. if everyone was clear about what they expect from a partner there would be less divorces im sure. but people shut up and take it and take it till they crack. its just not worth it.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Fed up | 2006/10/26

BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH - You are all talking in circles - nothing new

Reply to Fed up
Posted by: penny | 2006/10/26

i think each person needs to decide for themselves up to where they are willing to take it, you know....and then from there they can decide if they are willing to stretch it a bit and if they do they need to connsider the consequences ofcoarse...bt really yes relationships are really tough and that is why we need to go into them with our brains and reason aswell as our hearts....

Reply to penny
Posted by: Garfield | 2006/10/26

OK, really have to go after this ....

Ha ha .... Kat just saw your post about the fine line ... and looks like I am repeating you in my last post, but hadn't read it yet. Yeah, so agree..

Reply to Garfield
Posted by: Garfield | 2006/10/26

Buffs, I don't think that there are many people here that could call themselves a relationship expert ;-) ... ESPECIALLY me!!!!
(The only way I could be a relationship expert is by being an expert in the bad ones for myself ... lol)))))

Kat, I think it is a mixture of what we are saying ... some people are unhappy because they just sit back and take it, others are unhappy because they never really gave it a chance and walked out on impulse. And yeah, I agree fully with you that a relationship can only work if both people work on it ... OMG - relationships are really the most complicated things. I don't think anyone will ever figure them out....

Suppose, everyone is just stumbling along in our own little ways trying to be happy . Sometimes we suceed and sometimes we don't. The most difficult thing I think is learning WHEN to let go, because there is such a fine line between 'working things out' and 'being a doormat' .... but, I also think there is a big difference between sacrifices made for happiness sake and possible truwe happiness lost due to the school of instant gratification.

Anyhow, thanks for the thought provoking chat ... I have now finished my (late) lunch and have to get get back to the grindstone ;-(

Bye

Reply to Garfield
Posted by: kat | 2006/10/26

i think its a fine line between just walking out and just settleing.

Reply to kat
Posted by: Buffs | 2006/10/26

i was discussing this recently with a friend of mine and we came to the same conclusion. people give up to easily. If your partner is beating you then Obviously leave the person if you dont think councelling will help.

but people are so unwilling to even try to fix it cos divorce is so easy. 3 weeks and your single again.

Makes no sence to me. Noone said relationships were easy, you have to work at them, both people involved.

i used to tell my mom all about my fights with my hubby and it got to the point where she was still mad at him LONG after i was over our little spat and it made me realise just how dangerous taking relationship advice from none professionals actually is... all she heard was me complaining abouthow horrible he is to me and didnt hear that he was mad at me cos i told him i would pick him up from work and forgot and he got stuck outside in the rain.. stuff like that you know?

anyway.. normally if i dont have any constructive (IMO) advice i wont say anything at all. Im deffinatly not a relationship expert.

Reply to Buffs

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