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Question
Posted by: Cloe | 2004/10/19

Gambling parents messed up

If parents who are going on pension squander their pension money on gambling. They don't save for unexpected costs like funeral policy, future rent, medication and such like. Is it fair for the kids to then have to look after them and end up struggling and living well below the breadline just to help them.

My parents did just that and we literally struggled for the last 2 years. Even ending up last year having our electricity disconnected because I could not pay. I couldn't move because my parents were there and would not move to my brother or sister who are far more wealthier than me. Now mom passed away and my sister and I had to foot the bill to bury her because dad has no bucks. We used our bond money to cover the cost of burial.

The the other day my father heard he has to have an op on the eye which is going to cost R7 000-00. He says like this "I don't care where Jane (not her real name) gets the money but she will get it. She can take out a loan on her home to pay for my eye op". I am absolutely shocked and appalled at his absolute lack of concern for our finances. He just seems to think that we owe him. He doesn't even have the decency to at least be a little bit humble about it.

Now he hinted that I must sell my second hand car (we will only get about R5 000-00 for it) to help for the op and my sister must also find money. He only hinted though but I feel why should I help him. I desperately could do with the money to help myself out of my debt. I feel he is selfish and self-centred. He screwed up his life and now the two daughters have to foot the bill. Who does he think he is?

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

No, frankly, I don't think it is fair for kids to sacrifice their own lives so as to fund parents who are wasting their own savings on gambling. And by providing them with extra funds now, in a way you are encouraging them to continue gambling. Tell them clearly that there will be no more financial support while they gamble and waste money, and that they should rather spend some money on seeing a shrink to deal with their excessive gambling.
And I agree with Anna's remarks. He IS being selfish and self-centred, and as for the eye op, he can go to a government teaching hospital, and get such operation done at a much lower cost, having saved up for it, like anyone else.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Spooky | 2004/10/20

I am told that in Bloemfontein (about 2 or 3 weeks ago) hunreds of eye operations (especially cataract removals) were performed at the taxpayers expense. Contact the "eye foundation" Your dad may qualify for a free op.
I think he is a parasite and should get his ass into an old age home. Alternatively, he should be taking care of you!!!
Good Luck

Reply to Spooky
Posted by: Anna | 2004/10/19

He sounds like the father from hell. It may be an idea to sit down and show him a breakdown of your finances - and why you can't afford the eye op. Be upfront. Tell him you want to provide for your own future as well, because you think it's not fair that children have to provide for their parents - especially if they lost it all gambling. How can he expect you to care for him, if he has so little regard for you?

Suggest that he finds a part-time job somewhere, so he can pay you a bit of rent and start saving for his own eye-op.

Reply to Anna

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