Posted by: podcfm | 2009/06/27

future mother inlaw issues

I am sitting with a huge problem where i am judged on many levels by a woman who does not know me.. she is jealous in so many ways aswell as a control freak.

my fionce is on the donor list awaiting a new heart, her mother whom i have had very little contact with over 7 years judges me, insults me and puts down the phone when i am calling, my fionce has two brothers which the one is a priest and i can see he is a hypocrite and the other brother which is a budist, in my eyes both of them should have very open minds? correct.

Anyways my future mother in law she will argue with me in front of miss X and upset her even more, my sister thinks she is ill, she shakes forgets things and changes thought pattern like i smoke cigarettes, she is unstable, i know...

Me on the other hand is on a emotional ride with no brakes....look i am going thru some hectic stuff being on the other end of the waiting list...

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Our expert says:
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It's always easier to judge ( or misjudghe ) someone if you don't know them at all. m It's especally sad that your fiancee, who would usually be the person to remind her mother of what boundaries are appropriate, may be too sick to be able to tackle this role. And the mother's inherent tendency to consider no man good enough for her child, is probably compounded by her fears for her daughter's physical health. If her brothers, the Buddhist ought, if he is a good Buddhist, to be the most understanding and the most helpful. So should the priest, though if personall a hypocrite, hat might not apply. YOu don't mention the mother's age or health, but maybe she is indeed ill in some way, rendering her more unstable and less wise.
And certainly, being on the waiting list is a major stress for the patient herself and for all who care about her. Have you discussed this with her, and if so, how does she feel about this and how would she prefer you to handle it ? And if she is on the waiting list ( and I note you may be in the UK ? ) isn't there a social worker attached to the cardiac or surgery team who you can talk to, who may both need this information about the gamily background so as to be most helpful to the patient, and might be able to take this into acount and maybe help make the situation more bearable all round.

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