Posted by: concerned guy | 2008/09/16

furure partner

I am going to keep this short... I am 29y old male
I have had a few long relationships with victims of either rape or abuse...without going into each ones detailed problems.
I am a caring and understanding guy...(my downfall)
But in the past i was always the one that got hurt, either by them being unfaithfull or the no intimicy subject (and please dont tell me one could have a full relationship without intimicy)
I had for a while being hard and thought i wouldnt get involved with a woman who has being thru sexual trauma.
but now i have met a lovely girl, really beautifull inside and out...
and i do think the world of her...only thing is she confessed to me that she had being raped...the red lights in my head went off..
I do like her a lot...though and have not made love to her...because of my wories..
my question is this...can one have a completely normal relationship with a woman that has being thru such an ordeal.?

Did post on sexual abuse forum as well..

Not what you were looking for? Try searching again, or ask your own question
Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Has it simply turned out by chance that the women you went out with were victims of abuse or rape, or did you in some way seek them out for that, wishing to exercise your niceness and sympathy ? After such experiences, people often have difficulty within their relationships, so its not surprising that you ran into some peoplems. Why not see a counsellor so as to understand yourself better, and decide how to deal with people who have had previous bad experiences, whenever this situaion arises ? And with your current partner, why not mention that you have hasd some worries within relationships, and suggest you see a relationship counsellor together ?

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

Our users say:
Posted by: SR | 2008/09/17

Just remember an abused person has issues to deal with and it has to do with themselves. They just require you support and patients. Dont take it personal and think that its something you have done wrong. Just support and be patient. Its a difficult one as the person may tend to have relapses which impact heavily on the relationship. Its here where you have to be particularly strong. The longer the relationship the more easier it gets to deal and cope with someone who has been abused. They may have flashbacks and things you do and say after that could send them even more into a downward spiral.

Its also very important to understand this and not to become abusive in the process yourself i.e. verbal abuse, emotional abuse as you will then become the person whom you most want to protect them from. Its for this reason that they say abusive people always gravitate towards abusive relationships.

Reply to SR
Posted by: Kasandra | 2008/09/16

Its hard and i am also x victem. My bf struggles a lot! I loving relationship could help a lot but be prepared.

Reply to Kasandra
Posted by: Ex Victim | 2008/09/16

You are welcome. Come back and tell us how you doing from time to time. It wont be all sunshine and roses, but work on it and you will be happy :)

Keep being a nice guy!

Reply to Ex Victim
Posted by: concerned guy | 2008/09/16

Thank you so much x victim.
I really appreciate reply...
and i am going to give it a chance and put my fears behind me...
thank you

Reply to concerned guy
Posted by: Ex Victim | 2008/09/16

Love her and things will work out. I was raped at 14 and I am married to a wonderful man with 2 kids.

It took time to build up the trust needed and we are very happy with a healthy sex life.

Give her a chance, you might be her knight in shining armor like my man is for.

And nice guys are hard to come by, be proud of that fact!

Reply to Ex Victim

Have your say

Thanks for commenting! Your comment will appear on the site shortly.
Thanks for commenting! Your comment will appear on the site shortly.