Posted by: Lindy | 2004/10/20

Full of anger & hate for the deceased

My wife went out with this guy for more than 10 yrs & they broke up because he decided to marry someone else because he felt that she had a low status . She loved the guy dearly & was heartbroken , I picked up the peices , loved her dearly & married her 2 years later after their breakup. He apparently heard that the "low status girl" is now married to a so called " high status guy (myself ). He started hitting so hard on my wife, he wanted her back with all he can.My wife really loved this guy coz she battled getting over him . he even told her once that he just wants to spend just one night with her for old time's sake. He tried several times, inviting her to his house , for lunch, dinner , picnic -you name it just to score but he never succeded . He apparenlty gave up about 3 months back since trying for years to get her to sleep with him. I trust my wife , she never slept with him otherwise she would not have told me these things. He passed away on Monday after an illness of about 3 months(when he stopped harassing my wife ) I heard from a very reliable source that he died of AIDS and I started getting angry. He's been trying all these times to sleep with my wife and infect her and me. He's been so cruel & evil and I feel he deserves to die.My wife is not so angry towards him, she even wants to go to his funeral.I'm going to accompany her just to see the coffin go down and be 100 % sure that he is dead. I've got such anger and resentment for this guy that it's tearing me apart. I'm glad he died , wish I could spit on his grave. When I heard of the cause of his death I silently said " may you rot in hell that's where you belong ". I feel this hatred is a bit too much, my wife and I now are fighting about this . She feels I'm being harsh and heartless , am I being unreasonable here , am I overeacting .

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Our expert says:
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What a pathetic prawn this other guy was ! he must have had terribly low self-esteem, to be so aware of the "status" of he girls he knew, and to run away from them if that status wasn't high enough to enhance his, and be drawn back if they seemed higher.
I guess I'd take a position midway between you two. There's no good reason for your wife to feel too sorry for a man who treated her so badly, who chose to become infected by what sounds likely to have ben large-scale promiscuity, and then to try to deliberately infect her and you --- that's effectively attempted murder.
It is very highly likely that a promiscuous man such as you describe, who died rapidly and young, DID die of AIDS. He ended as he deserved, and with the end he created for himself. Just don't let your entirely understandable anger tear you up or spoil your relationship with your wife. between you, you were both able to prevent him from more seriously damaging you while he lived --- don't give him the satisfaction of enabling him to cause more harm after his death. See him buried, physically --- and bury your anger and bitterness with him, going home without it.

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Our users say:
Posted by: ntsikie | 2004/10/21


Dont give this person the satisfaction of coming between you and your wife, now that he has died. Just be very glad that you have such a wonderful wife who is trustworthy.She never caved in to his advances. Can you imagine what could have happened to you guys had she done so? You sound like a wonderful husband, try to stand by her through this bereavement period she is going through.As for your wife, she sounds like a person who has a forgiving heart.Try to get over the anger and move on with your lives.

Reply to ntsikie
Posted by: Flash | 2004/10/21

I must say you are a man and a half. I wish all men were as loving as you sound.
Forgive the excuse of a man. He does not derseve your wife at all. I hope she realises what a man you are and stop worrying about this guy. I honestly dont understand why she wants to attend his funeral after all she put her through. She must concentrate on your relationship and not bring her past to the present.
You are a star. I understand how you are feeling.

Reply to Flash
Posted by: BEE | 2004/10/20

Do you know for sure that he had AIDS? I know that you said a "reliable source" but people just love to spread stories and hurt others. Speak to your wife, she knew him well (10 years is a loooong time), would he have done such a despicable thing to both of you? This terrible anger that you have may not be necessary, it isn't healthy and you can use the energy elsewhere in comforting your wife who must be grieving.

Reply to BEE
Posted by: PAMELA | 2004/10/20

you have to attend that funeral and spit onthat coffin, even myself i was just going to do that really, imagine this guy wanted to ruin your wifes' life and your's let him go to hell really and rot, he deserve that death he was a coward after all

but after that take your wife to be tested just to be safe on both sides,

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