Our expert says:
Both men and women can have difficulty having the BIG "O," although it's more common among women (For many people, becoming orgasmic takes practice. Masturbation helps people figure out what feels good and what helps them build tension toward orgasm. Having already taken matters into your own hands, you've taken a step in the right direction.
Levels of concentration for orgasm vary for everyone. Some find it helpful to "be in the moment" and focus on sensation, feelings, and intensity, rather than worry about the anticipated end result. Reducing pressure you put on yourself, taking the time, romancing yourself, and creating an atmosphere that turns you on can elevate the experience. Also, your thought patterns can influence your concentration. If you think "I'll never do this," or "I have work to do," this can work against you.
It's common for people to get annoyed or discouraged while trying to orgasm. When this happens, the trick is to take it to the next level. One way to do this is not to "give up," but to continue to stimulate yourself. Think of it as if you were on a diving board: you take a running start... when you get to the end... don't stop... take the plunge!
You may decide to take the plunge by experimenting with new sensations. People masturbate in different ways to heighten the level of sexual arousal. Some prefer using their fingers and hands, with or without lubricant. Others masturbate with sex toys, fantasy, or erotic magazines or videos. Kegel exercises can also increase sexual feeling and orgasmic intensity (See Kegel Technique). In addition, touching other body parts at the same time can add another dimension to pleasure — some enjoy stimulating their nipples, anus, neck, arms, and/or back.
Several books for women provide information about masturbation techniques and orgasm:
Lonnie G. Barbach's, For Yourself: The Fulfillment of Female Sexuality
Betty Dodson's, Sex for One: The Joy of Self-Loving
Julia Heiman and Joseph LoPiccolo's, Becoming Orgasmic: A Sexual and Personal Growth Program for Women
Aurelie Jones Goodwin and Marc E. Agronin's, A Woman's Guide to Overcoming Sexual Fear and Pain
Rebecca Chalker's, The Clitoral Truth: The World at Your Fingertips.
Betty Dodson's video, "Viva la Vulva," is also helpful. For men, Bernie Zilbergeld's book The New Male Sexuality provides some useful information.
If you're still unsuccessful, consider that certain medications, drugs, or alcohol can interfere with orgasm. If after trying the above, orgasm still doesn't happen, you can see your health care provider. If you check out okay, a sex therapist can probably help you learn to orgasm. For a referal call SA Sexual Health Association on 0860 100 262.
While learning how to orgasm may take time, practice makes perfect. In the meantime, enjoy the trip.
Dr Elna Mcintosh
The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal
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