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Question
Posted by: g-pta | 2006/07/20

frustrated

PLEASE give me advice!
I am married for 25 years.My wife has a very low sexual drive.In the 25 years of marriage my wife initiated sexual intercourse maybe 5 times(even less!).As you realise 99.99% I do the initiation!
Their is no positive response from her side on my request(eg.I would like it etc)
I provide her and the daughters with the best when it comes to the home,food etc.
I am not overweight.I look after my appearance.
Few years ago we went to seek help(NG dominee) and he assured us that there is nothing wrong! I accepted and contiuned with my life.
To divorce is absolute the last option and to visit a prostitute is OUT OF THE QUESTION!
I am 50 and my wife 49.
My wife has a morning job.We don't have a helper at home so we all help with the tasks.At one time we had a helper.
Most of the times I alone relieve myself of my frustration!
PLEASE advice me what to do!
Regards

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Our expert says:
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Dear G-Pta
You should actually be talking to the sex expert on health 24 but from a medical point of view the reasons could be:
Medication - like anti-depressants
Psychiatric problems like anxiety and depression
Upbringing - she may feel that it is not "proper" for a woman to initiate sex or she may have had a very strict/puritan upbringing that downplayed the importance of sex.
Personal - she may feel unloved/unattractive - not necessarily your fault - or she may feel that her emotional needs or even sexual needs are not being met - do you know what they are? Maybe she does not overly like what you both are doing during sex.
Circumstances - tiredness, bored with the same routine, difference in sexual appetite - have you ever asked her how often she feels like sex? - if someone stuffs you with chocolate cake every day you won't feel like asking for it! Maybe she needs a day or two to work up a sexual appetite!
I would suggest that you two have a discussion - tell her about your needs and let her tell you about hers. Make "dates" for sex - it will give her time to "prepare" emotionally.
Whenever one of the partners in a marriage feels unloved and walks around with unmet needs, there are problems - see a sex therapist if needed.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

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