Posted by: sally | 2009/06/19


I am married for 7 years.we hav lived well with my hubby and my in laws.we come from different cultural background.we have been using languages that we all understand in each others presence.i am soo depressed.i hav a 7mnths baby.we asked my sister in law 2 look after our baby, so we are staying with her,my husband brought a teenage boy (18 yrs)2 live with us without telling me.I have found the teen playing roughly with my 6yr old, since he was screaming _on inspection i found the teen standing on top of my son in their bedroom on top .I told him how could they be making such noise and playing roughly in my presence.Later my son went out playing with other kids , my husband got very angry and sjamboked my son very badly in front of the 18 yr old.I told him it was enough &  he shuldnt discipline in front of others.We argued because of that.We then had 2 other sister in laws visiting, then the 4 of them start talking their mother language which I don' t understand in my presence.I raiseed it with my husband.Then he told them in my presence that I said i do not understand them.I asked him when is the teenager leaving because if there is help that we can provide , we can still do this when he is not staying with us..He saidi am saying this out of hatred.My other sis in law left her 3 yr son for 4 months.she then phones the teenager as to how is the little boy.I believe she is doing this because their sister is looking after my 7 months old baby so they dont need permission for me.My other sis in law also let her 9 yr old come without letting me know for weekend and contineu thruoghout the week without picking her.No one tells me anything.i am expected to keep quite.My husband is a bread winner, of which we still support his parents and other family members at his home.I feel i am not being respected.All his family knows that i have ashed about the teenagers presence, i was not part of the discussion, but no one has since then asked me how come.They just act funny around me

We recently visited my mother in law.Because i had mentioned in my house that i do not understand their language.We hav been using a language that i understand even when i vited her previously.All of a sudden,my mother in law was speaking their language that i do not understand,.The family is saying i am selfish and stingy because i raised the issue of a teenager.
I have raise dthis issues with my husband, its been 6 months now the boy is just lazying around the house with my sister.My sister in law sometimes is very moody as well.I do not say a lot in the house because i become the news 2 discuss when the other sis in law come.When i am around them they keep quite, when i move an inch they start talking.
I have since wanted to move out because i am so unhappy in the house, and my hubby does not want to solve this.he said is i mve out he is going to kill our 2 children and himself.I am supporting a family who does not value or even respect me.I told him we need to go for marriage counselling, maybe someone wh is neutral might help .

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Sorry to be blunt, but this is a sick family situation you are describing. If your husband sjambok's ANY child of ANY age, that is child abuse and criminal assault, and should be reported to the police, and CHildline and CHild Welfare --- he is not fit to be anywhere near a child. THe offense isn't about doing this in front of others, but about doing it at all. There is NO culture in which that is appropriate or lawful.

And then you say he has threatened to kill your 2 children if you move out from him ?

Why would he bring am 18 year-old to live with you, and allow him access to your child ? And what is this about the boy STANDING on your child and being rough with him ? That's further child abuse. Is this kid related to you in some way, or has nobody told you ?

This sounds like an awfully complicated set-up, with YOU looking after someone-else's child, while they look after your baby ?

Marriage counselling might help, but this might be beyond even a good counsellor. Discuss the situation with Childline and similar agencies dealing with child abuse, and work out with them the safest way to withdraw and protect yourself and your children from this highly abusive man.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

Our users say:
Posted by: Liza | 2009/06/19

CS has said it all. GET OUT ASAP! I' m totally shocked by the terrible situation you find yourself in. Also take out a restraining order against him. He shouldn' t be allowed to come near you or the children when you leave.

Good Luck. You will be in my prayers tonight.

Reply to Liza

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