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Question
Posted by: Friend | 2004/10/11

Friendship at stake

My friend and i have been very close for up to 20 yrs now. 2 weeks back I complained that I seem to always be the one initiating contacts. The she said some friends drain and others sustain you. does it mean I drain her. I have more problems than her. Sometimes I think she is better bcos she is married and can discuss her problems with him. I have also told her something very sensetive that I havent even told my family. I sometimes think I am too dependent on her, I thought good friends are there for each other through good and bad. It is the first time I feel this hurt about a friendship, I dont know wether to just let it go or try and work it out.

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Our expert says:
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F, she's not a better person, but maybe you have become a bit too dependent on her and her opinions, rather than independent, and maybe looking to a wider range of people for ideas and advice. From the sound of things, though, she probably didn't mean to hurt you by what she said. As Juzlisen wisely says, chat to her and find ou what she meant. And in the light of that, decide to either end or at least modify the relationship. Maybe if you didn't contact her so much, she might contact you more.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Juzlisen | 2004/10/11

talk to her and find out what she really wanted to say - not beat arond the bush.
It seems that maybe she let you initiate all contact becuase she did not want to contact you - you seem to answer your own question - maybe you are a bit too dependant on her - but pls do not take my posting the wrong way - all I am saying is talk, talk and talk some more - get to the root of what is/has been wrong.

Reply to Juzlisen
Posted by: NP | 2004/10/11

A friendship is a relationship wherein both parties give equally (over time) and that each party fills a need in the others life. If one party is needy all the time this can and will strain a friendship. Some friends see only themselves in a friendship and consider a one way street - their way - as being good enough.

I worked with my "friend" for 6 years now. If I say "I have a headached" she will have a migraine and talk about it for an hour. If I say "I worked in my garden this weekend" she will say she worked in her botanical, landscaped garden the weekend as well.

So now I realise that she is not my friend but she needs someone to talk at. Perhaps you were like that and you wore your friend down and she cannot anymore.

Reply to NP

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