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Question
Posted by: me | 2004/12/14

friends with ex

Hi. Can you and an ex be friends after a break up. Wont this only make things more difficult? We have been broken up for 4 weeks and both of us were very hurt over it. We havent had much contact since, but he said in his last e-mail that he hopes we can be good friends. Was he sincere or was it just words?

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Posted by: Shaun | 2004/12/14

Nope you don't, can't turn back the clock. You just accept that you 2 were really never meant to be & move on from there. As I said, if 1 secretly harbours hopes or has doubts, then it won't work.
It's about respecting the other person enough to know that you are not wanted in "that" way anymore.
Its a big thing to ask, but if you can handle it you can make it work.
We live in a day were almost nothing is impossible.

Regards,
Shaun

Reply to Shaun
Posted by: sweetcakes | 2004/12/14

ME, i believe you CAN be friends with an ex, it just takes time though, ALOT of time... like i said, it could also depend on what type of person you are! and it depends on how close you were to your EX as well! as

Reply to sweetcakes
Posted by: NLM | 2004/12/14

I fully agree with Poppie---its a secure NO NO NO NO NO . No person justs get into a relationship with another person on day one. You become friends and this developes into a love relationship which is the top of a friendship. ( IN A RELATIONSHIP A COUPLE SHOULD ALWAYS BE THE BEST OF FRIENDS ) If THIS so called " FRIENDSHIP " could not last, how in the world can you turn the clock around and make it a NORMAL friendship again?? No way this can ever work.

Reply to NLM
Posted by: sweetcakes | 2004/12/14

i think it all depends on the person you are and how you can handle a situation like this!
for me when my boyfriend broke up with me, we said we'd stay friends, and we landed up getting back to gether... everytime we broke up!
just think about it, will you be able to handle being with him, and not "being" with him!!!

Reply to sweetcakes
Posted by: Shaun | 2004/12/14

Being friends is entirely possible. Yes it maybe difficult at first but give yourselves the time your'll need to be apart as well. If one secretly still harbours hopes of getting back together then I don't think this option would work out. I think if both come to an understanding that they were not meant to be together then it could possibly work out.
Your ex can often be your best "spring-board" in times of desperate need, but the understanding has to be a mutual agreement that does not encroach on romantic or intimate inclinations.
If each respect this in the other, they can be quite good friends, maybe even best friends at that. This is how I feel.

At the moment though, it seems you are still not ok with the break-up so I would suggest accepting his comment about being friends, but let him know that you have a life as well & would like to move on without interferences. If this is not easy for you then I would suggest as MT has suggested...

Good Luck,
Shaun

Reply to Shaun
Posted by: Poppie | 2004/12/14

No no no no no no no no and no.... dont ever try to be friends!!!! Ek dink dat as 'n persoon so 'n groot besluit geneem het om iemand nie langer as boyriend/girlfriend te sien nie en hulle bly "friende", staan dit net in die pad om iemand anders te ontmoet wat wel vir jou bedoel is. 'n Verhouding is gebaseer op vriendskap. Vra jouself dan, 'as ons nie as boyfriend/girlfriend kon uitwerk nie, hoe gaan ons as vriende uitwerk'.

Reply to Poppie
Posted by: mt | 2004/12/14

People go through a phase in their break up when they feel they miss each other too much to be apart.

If you will value this person as a friend then do so but give each other the time to break up completely.

Start commuincating again after 10 months and see if you can be friends now.

Reply to mt

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