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Question
Posted by: SalF | 2010/02/19

Friends not taking it serious.

I was working at road patrol on Wed when I saw my daughter talking to a total stranger. I never saw him before, the staff never did and she herself admitted to never seeing him before. He was very friendly and apparently talked to her about unicorns. At one stage he told her she was beautiful. She said she wasn' t supposed to leave the school grounds but yet he took her over the fence onto the street. She held onto the fence. He had his back turned to me but glanced over and that' s when I reacted. I scolded her and put her back into the school grounds. I never saw him after that. I have bipolar and my mind is still racing. The school contacted the police they took a statement. I' m happy with their handling of the situation. This man might come back and take another child, yet no-one is taking this seriously? I do believe he was there to score. I' m getting sick about this. Having longer visions. We moved here (NZ) for safety yet someone wanted to steal my child. Thank God the school is taking it seriously. How can I stop myself thinking about it? The visions? I' ve been depressed the last week and now know why. I' m not a wreck but I' m concerned about her. She will talk to anyone. She is very (too) outgoing. She loves people. I talked about safety so many times. She' s not listening. Tell her she' s pretty and you' re her new best friend. Hoe can I bring home the dangers? How do I keep myself from going crazy? Things like this aint good for my mental health. I don' t know what to think, what to believe or how to feel. I wouldn' t lift a child over the fence even if I knew it and the mother or father was close by. No-one knows him. I' m scared. If anything happens to my daughter I will be committed. I' m that frail. Things get to me in ways I can' t handle. My mind races. She will never be save. She is too pretty. Too popular. Something' s gotto happen. When? How? Whe' re heading for heart ache. She' s too pretty, too trusting. Some day I' m going to cry, and crack. How can I keep her safe? How can I keep sane? When will I be confronted with pain and loss? I was kept alive till now. Why do I feel that she isn' t gonna be part of my future? I' m gonna end up dead because of grief? Or crazy-|-and raped every day cause I just don' t care. I' m nothing without her. An empty room as was is no future. The past will engulf me. I will be nothing. I love my hubby but I won' t be able to handle it. I always thought he would be better off without us. When are things gonna go his way? Maybe he will be responsible for her going and me folding.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

You say you are happy with how the police handled this, and that the school is taking it seriously, yet you say that no-one is taking this seriously ? Surely the police did, and other parents would, and the school did - can't they post people in the playground during breaks, to watch for such interference with the kids ?
And this is clearly time for you to have a CALM, non-frightening byt serious chat with your daughter about no trusting even friendly strangers in such situations.
NZ is indeed a much safer society than SA, but unpleasant people who might prey on children occur in all societies ; and though fortunately uncommon, of course even one is too many in any community.
There's no need to greatly alarm her, but make it clear that there are a few nasty people out there who want to hurt kids, and will praise them and tell them how pretty they are, to get their confidence. Maybe she's a bit vain about wanting to be told how pretty she is. Help her to find other things about herself to value.
Maybe you fel especially ad because you were there, albeit on duty, and saw what was happening without being immediately able to help - or maybe you worry about what might have happened had you NOT been there.
You really should discuss all of this with the person treating your bipolar disorder, to limit your tendency to catastrophize and over-react, here. You sem to be asuming that something much worse is INEVITABLE, rather than just possible, and to a large extent preventable.
Remmber that she may be more negatively affected by your extreme alarm than by what actually happened. YOu seem to be diving dep into constructions of hopelessness, and creating awful possibilities that are barely if at all possible, and to have developed a habit of such extreme negative thinking. CBT sttyle counselling could help a lot with this, not only contribnuting to your health, but of real benefit to your child.
So look after yourself, and get counselling so as to be calmer and more realistic.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

2
Our users say:
Posted by: Maria | 2010/02/19

How old is your daughter? A fence is rather useless from a security point of view if a child can be lifted over it. I can completely understand why this is freaking you out, but I also think you need to see a psychiatrist or psychologist as soon as possible to help you cope with the depression. You can' t think clearly when you' re depressed. Take care.

Reply to Maria
Posted by: cybershrink | 2010/02/19

You say you are happy with how the police handled this, and that the school is taking it seriously, yet you say that no-one is taking this seriously ? Surely the police did, and other parents would, and the school did - can't they post people in the playground during breaks, to watch for such interference with the kids ?
And this is clearly time for you to have a CALM, non-frightening byt serious chat with your daughter about no trusting even friendly strangers in such situations.
NZ is indeed a much safer society than SA, but unpleasant people who might prey on children occur in all societies ; and though fortunately uncommon, of course even one is too many in any community.
There's no need to greatly alarm her, but make it clear that there are a few nasty people out there who want to hurt kids, and will praise them and tell them how pretty they are, to get their confidence. Maybe she's a bit vain about wanting to be told how pretty she is. Help her to find other things about herself to value.
Maybe you fel especially ad because you were there, albeit on duty, and saw what was happening without being immediately able to help - or maybe you worry about what might have happened had you NOT been there.
You really should discuss all of this with the person treating your bipolar disorder, to limit your tendency to catastrophize and over-react, here. You sem to be asuming that something much worse is INEVITABLE, rather than just possible, and to a large extent preventable.
Remmber that she may be more negatively affected by your extreme alarm than by what actually happened. YOu seem to be diving dep into constructions of hopelessness, and creating awful possibilities that are barely if at all possible, and to have developed a habit of such extreme negative thinking. CBT sttyle counselling could help a lot with this, not only contribnuting to your health, but of real benefit to your child.
So look after yourself, and get counselling so as to be calmer and more realistic.

Reply to cybershrink

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