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Question
Posted by: Zenani | 2007/12/13

Friends not believing in u

I want to change industries and move to this industry which is very male oriented and most people manage to get in through contacts and so on. I am really determined as I am very passionate about this, I feel it is my calling. Most of my friends know about how much I want to do this, I am making an effort in getting acquinted and so on. However most of my friends in fact all of them give me this look when I talk about it, like I am dreaming it will never happen. To be honest they would be very surprise if I were to tell them today that I managed to get a job with so and so. I am beginning to take this personal, I know I shouldnt bcos its not like they doubt my ability they are just worried about the barrier to entry. How do I stop becoming resentful towards them. When I am at my lowest I just get angry that they probably think I dont have what it takes? Now lately I catched myself thinking that when I finally do crack it I will know who my real friends will be at least. I hate this mentality I dont think they not supporting me in this is bcos they are jeoalous perhaps they dont really know how important this is to me. It sounds childish but it is getting to me now.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Often we can indeed achieve worthwhile things which we dream of --- some of our dreams won't be possible because nopbody can achieve them ( I will never fly on my own steam ) ; some because we don't have the abilities or talent ( I will never play professional football ) ; and some because others might prevent us from succeeding --- for instance a very clannish, closed business full of plotting and favouring insiders, may just not be practical to break into. And it sounds as though your friends are concerned about that last type of barrier.
If indeed this is a nasty industry which would hurt you and make you unhappy --- would real friends encourage you to go ahead and get hurt ?
It sounds as though you are a bit muddled as you how to think about this. You worry that they may be jealous --- but if the job would be nasty, or if they feel you couldn't possibly succeed --- there'd be nothing for them to be jealous of. They'd only be jealous if they really thought you COULD succeed --- so that sort of jealousy would be a sort of backhanded compliment !

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Our users say:
Posted by: Maria | 2007/12/13

Two of my friends one day asked me rather sarcastically (I thought) how did I think I was going to have a fulltime job, be a wife and mom, and be a parttime student. I cried about it that night they made me feel as if my dreams were so unrealistic it would never work out. A couple of weeks later I was feeling more confident and I told them (nicely) that they really hurt my feelings that day. They apologised sincerely. I agree with Joy, it can be concern, jealousy or perhaps even a combination of the two. Talk to the ones who will support you about your dreams, and just avoid the subject with the rest. They will eat their words when you get that dream job.

Reply to Maria
Posted by: Joy | 2007/12/13

Some of your friends are mabye sincerely concerned for you and some may just be envious of your drive and determination. Maybe sit those down who are really close to you and explain to them exactly this - how important this passion is for you and yes, as you say, those who will continue to support you will be the ones you should keep around and the others maybe not. The older you become, the less friends you have, because you go through so many ups and downs and friends come and go - the true ones will stick around through ALL of it!!

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