Posted by: sue | 2008/07/09

friends in deed

a question, should i look at myself or just accept that things change. i have been friends with friends for many years but lately i realise that if i dont phone or contact them then they dont contact me. so recently a huge fall out with a friend and friendship ended then the other day phoned a long last friend and was not bothered that i phoned or did not. so it is me, or do things just change, people move on, and basically accept that friendships dont last forever. what are you comments?

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

SOme "friends" are like that ; and people change and grow apart. Maybe you're a bit unrealistic in what you expect from old and former "friends" ?

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Our users say:
Posted by: Maria | 2008/07/09

Sue, someone once told me that friendships are for a reason, a season or a lifetime. It's a bit corny, but the idea is that some people are part of your life for a short space of time because you need them or they need you... and when the need is satisfied, the friendship ends.

Other people are friends for a season, e.g. while you are in high school, or while your children attend the same preschool.

And then there are the lifetime ones, who are few and far between. If you're really lucky they come with you from childhood or early adulthood.

Losing friends hurt, but it is a fact of life. As you say, people move on. And although you tend to blame yourself, sometimes it says more about the other person than about you, or it is just he way things turn out through nobody's fault. As ones life changes, your friends change. If you e.g. get married and have kids while most of your friends are still single and childfree, the friendships are unlikely to survive simply because your circumstances changed so drastically.

You only really need to worry if you feel a need for friendship but you find yourself unable to make and keep friends in the short to medium term.

Hope that helps!

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