Posted by: malika | 2009/03/04

friends are for....?

I have noticed that over the years I have fewer and fewer friends. I have also noticed that I don' t mind at all. I am able to sit with a group of people and chat but I don' t ask for numbers or hand over mine. But if I see someone I know I can easily make small talk.

Is anything wrong with not having friends? I had none as a child, maybe two as a teen, quite a bunch at varsity and in early 20s. I am now 35 and have no friends. I come from a family of six kids and am close to my siblings but don' t live near them. We are very boisterous and gregarious when together, my entire family is like that and I fit in perfectly when with them. I see them maybe every three weeks.

Note, I have nothing against ppl who are all about their friends.

I am happy to go about my daily business functioning independently and work from home for this reason. When I’ ve had a corporate job I get in there do the job and don’ t form close alliances as I don’ t see the need to, especially as all ppl do in the corporate world is gossip and pull each other down, ostensibly to advance themselves or as a sign of their lack of self confidence. I don’ t consider myself arrogant but I am happy to go thru the day without the need to text or phone up this and that colleague or girlfriend. I am happy to go to a restaurant, bar or club alone. I won’ t mind when ppl come and talk to me but they always seem surprised at the end of the evening when I don’ t give out my number, having chatted happily with them all evening. I am not involved with anyone but I do have a young child, we live just the two of us. She is an incredibly popular child at school and always the centre of attention. I am fine with being the opposite. I only notice that I am a bit different in certain circumstances e.g. at parent teacher meetings when the other parents are in social groups and I am sitting alone.

It does not bother me at all but my family has told me I am not normal. They were mortified when I pointed out that my reason for not being on Facebook is that I am not interested in finding anyone neither do I want to be found.

But if I am perfectly happy why should I change anything?

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

I"ve checked the text of the Constitution, and so far as I can see, having friends is not compulsory. Some of us tend to be loners, both in being content with our own company, or that of a small number of other people, and in not particularly needing others around. Some, in contrast, feel incomplete and restless unless they have several other people around and interacting with them. You are not in any way abnormal.
Good psychiatry uses a reasonable standard --- not adhering to the norms of what other people expect of you, but it looks instead at whether your approach to the world is fruitful and functional, whether or not it interferes with your ability to enjoy your life and be productive. I rejoice in people who choose not to be on Facebook

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

Our users say:
Posted by: Renzi | 2009/03/05

Wow you guys- here i was thinking that there' s something wrong with me. It' s a bit different with me though as i was once swamped with friends and i have lost one at a time, reasons being:
some are/weren' t there in difficult times
some were there just to use me
some have slept with my ex
some are too controlling,

therefore at the end decided that i am going to keep people that make my life more enjoyable and whoever hurts me will be forgiven but i cut them off my life. I find it rather amazing that i can meet with some of them and feel nothing towards them as in like it doesn' t make a difference if they are in my presence or not and this made me feel like i have become a hard person but now i know that there' s absolutely nothing wrong with me.

Reply to Renzi
Posted by: Feel similar | 2009/03/05

You know its wonderful to be happy with your own company ! I get the picture. I often wonder how many people that are supposed to have a wide circle of friends can really count on them as such ? I do believe that these people actually work quite hard at making and maintaining friendships, calling them for a chat, inviting them to functions, making a real effort at it. For me, I have about 5 people in my life that I consider to be friends and communicate with them on and off. I tend to devote all my time to my immediate family and I mean immediate. We are small unit of 7 that includes my wife and I. We go out together, spend holiday together when we can, take an interest in each other etc. I agree, corporate friendships are useless, as everyone is too busy climbing on each oihers shoulders to be a true friend, more of an acquaintance really. When they leave do the people you thought were a friend ever come back to you ? I don' t think so. Too shallow for me. You enjoy your life, if you are not missing friendship, who cares ?

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