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Question
Posted by: Des | 2008/07/11

Friends

Hey guys help me out here, whats this issue with being friends and then having sex with the 'friend' and still going around telling everyone we are 'friends'. My ex did this and I cannot understand it, I have a FEW friends but I WILL never have sex with them. Also if I meet someone in the future I will become friends frist but IF I do have sex with them to me they wont be my friend, but a lover. So where's the line? do friends end and lovers being when you step the boundry and have sex? cos it will be ODD to continue calling the person a friend after you had sex with them...

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageGay, lesbian and bisexual expert

Hi Des, welcome to the forum and thanks for posting. The term "friend" is brandied about as if it has one, universally-accepted meaning. Obviously there are variations.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Deeve | 2008/07/11

Des...if you haven't lost respect for someone, it's easy to stay friends with them. In your case, your boyfriend lied to you, and had a fling with his so called' friend'. Under the circumstances it would be quite advisable for you to have absolutely no contact with him for quite some time. You need to heal my friend...and seeing them will only break open all the wounds again. Maybe in time you may feel differently about him...but thats your choice.
Many Guys who whose relationships have collapsed, end up best Buddies by the time they part...this is by no means a 'step down'...? It's more a natural progression of two people that have fallen out of 'love', but not out of 'friendship'.
Go well...

Reply to Deeve
Posted by: Des | 2008/07/11

Hey there Riley, I did find a place, its liveable I guess thats all that matters hey? will be moving at the end of the month, we are still haggling over the legal papers with regards the house. He wants to make part payments to me over a period of 8 months and I dont want that, he says he doesn’t have the money up front and thats all he can offer.

Ok, now guys. With regards the 'friends' thing the X and his lover as far as I am concerned are lovers and not just friends. They are playing hide the salami, so ergo to me they are not 'friends' but lovers and thats what was and is hurtful to me. Before the break-up they were calling themselves 'friends' but they were sleeping with each other EVERY chance they got. And still said they were 'friends' thats what confused me and why I asked the question about where the line stood between friends and something more.

Yes Nikkits I am quite old fashioned, to me you know when you want to have something more than friendship with some and you work in that direction, if its going to be just friends then you dont have sex with that person. But I guess thats me hey?

With regards me and the X I cannot be friends with him after this, because to me going from a relationship to friendship is a step down, I still despite everything love this ass hole and I guess I always will, and because of that love I cannot just have him as a friend.

Reply to Des
Posted by: Riley | 2008/07/11

How's the house hunting going, Des?

And, how are YOU?

Reply to Riley
Posted by: Nikkits | 2008/07/11

Des,

There is no difference in friendships if you have sex with them or not.

Some friends are also part of your sexual experiences and some are not.

Love is a word with many interpretations.

You are friends with your dog, and you love your dog but you don’t have sex with your dog.

You love your parents and are friends with your parents but you don’t have sex with them.

Having sex with someone is usually started off with having a friendship first surely?

Don’t complicate it, enjoy it and always be friends ….. ;)

Break free from the old fashioned conservative thinking when it comes to love, friends, sex, relationships, etc. There are more heartache hidden in the conservative narrow minded way of thinking and judging then there are in mutual respectable free thinking. It is an art we have to learn but only if the elder of us can break free from the past and learn to teach others how to be high moral valued free thinking individuals.

Nikkits
xxxxx

Reply to Nikkits
Posted by: Deeve | 2008/07/11

Des, Many Guys are still best friends with their Ex's. Other's have met Guys that they thought were 'the one' then slept with, and soon found that they were more apt to be friends than lovers, and so it goes.
There really is no line, and its all about your own comfort zone. Obviously, if someone is using their regular friends as Phuck Buddies, then things would become rather confusing or somewhat interesting...? I certainly find it quite normal for Guys still to be friends after a 'fling' or relationship has broken down. Cheers

Reply to Deeve

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