Posted by: Confused | 2009/03/27

Friend vs boyfriend

I' ve been friends with my friend for almost 9 years. We have always been there for each other - we' ve had our squabbles but usually the next day we sort them out and things are back to normal. I used to spend a lot of time at her house and we did a lot of things together. I started dating a wonderful man and naturally I would have wanted to spend time with him. As things got more serious I saw her less but still made a plan every weekend to see her. Then I had trouble with my car - it broke. It was basically due to bad workmanship but the guy that worked on my car previously is a friend of hers - and it was his fault as he didn' t fix the car properly. I am in the process of suing him with the help of my boyfriend, for the money I have to pay to fix the car. In the last two months we have drifted apart a lot - basically because I don' t have a car and I' m suing the guy. We got into an argument the other night and she said that all of this is the fault of my boyfriend and I was wrong to do what I' m doing because it puts her in a situation and she has decided that she doesn' t like my boyfriend. I told my bf about the conversation and he was very upset. I tried to phone her in the week and chat to her and she was very rude and put the phone down on me. Then yesterday she phoned me and said can I come over for a glass of wine and a chat. I spoke to my bf and he was not happy with the idea but I said that I needed to sort things out with her. I get there and she pretends like nothing has happened in the last 2 months and tells me she needs me now because her marriage is breaking up! I stayed for a short while and when I left she was like we need to get together on the weekend etc. When I got home my bf was upset with me - I can understand where he' s coming from. For 2 months she has wanted nothing to do with me wont'  speak to me and argues with me everytime we do speak and then all of a sudden she needs me when it suits her! Do I actually need a friend like that. I' m beginning to think that maybe I don' t. I' m not about to give up bf - we have a great relationship and are making plans to get married. When I told her this she said " oh great, so in a years time you' ll be in the same situation as me won' t that be cool!"  This is the man that I want to spend the rest of my life with. Please can I have some advise. Sorry for the long post.

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Our expert says:
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If she's a real friend, she ought to understand the circumstances, including your current lack of mobility, and your right to sue for damages from someone who caused you damage. And no she recognizes that she needs your companionship. Decid what you want. If you value the friendship, be more forgiving and see i it is mutually rewarding to renew the friendship. If, having re-evaluated it, you do NOT see her as supportive, then end it poliely and without bitterness.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

Our users say:
Posted by: Np | 2009/03/27

Your friend is very selfish and I dont think shes got the best interest for you. I have been in a situation like that where I had to sacrifice my happiness for the sake of my friend who didnt give a damn about me. I would say just cut her off your life,the sooner the better

Reply to Np
Posted by: Guest | 2009/03/27

Hi, not sure if this will help. I also had a friend like that, we' ve been friends for 10 years. It only suited her to contact me when she didn' t have a boyfriend. If I did meet somebody, she was jealous, and tried to take up most of my time. She was also very demanding. I went away for a week to be on my own, and she pitched up every day. Our friendship ended when she met a guy and she met his friends, and all of a sudden I wasn' t good enough any more, and I heard nothing from her. If I phoned her she was rude, and always had an excuse why whe couldn' t see each other. I decided that I don' t have time for a yo-yo friendship, an let it die a natural death. I know it' s going good with her relationship of the past 3 years, because I haven' t heard from her since she got in this relationship! :-)

You don' t need negative people in your life. Concentrate on your relationship with your boyfriend. He is the person you want to spend the rest of your life with.

My personal opinion is, that if somebody is not happy for/with you and wants to make you feel negative, miserable, there is no place for them in my life.

Reply to Guest
Posted by: P | 2009/03/27

9 years of friendship down the drain

Reply to P

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