Posted by: Gracie | 2008/07/16


I recently made contact with an old friend (male) on Facebook - I lost contact with him when I divorced my first husband and this guy had problems in his own life etc. He is now divorced and lives in another province. Ever since I have made contact with him, I cannot stop thinking about this man - I even had a dream about him and I cannot wait for his response to my messages. I have known him since I was 15 yrs old (I am now 45 and he is 44) so one can say it's a lifetime that we've known each other. We were close as friends at school and after that. I am however married and feel that it is wrong to have these feelings of being excited about his messages etc. Is it maybe because I so yearn for the life I had before (obviously nothing can change and we cannot revert back to what we had previously as life changes and we all move on!!!) or is there something lacking in my life? I rarely though about this man until I made contact on Facebook and now I cannot stop thinking about him. There was never any "romantic" feelings between us when we were younger, yet I just have a feeling for this man that I cannot explain!?? Help please - I don't understand what's happening here! I saw his photograph on Facebook and I keep going back to just have a look at him??!!

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Our expert says:
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I strongly suspect that Facebook causes many more problems than it solves. You're probably right that the attraction here isnt this actual guy ( who you haven't properly met now ) but what he represents about happy days in the past. I totally agree with Maria. Leave Facebook alone, and invest time in your own marriage, perhaps with the aid of a marriage counsellor.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Gracie | 2008/07/17

Thanks for your responses - I appreciate it!

Reply to Gracie
Posted by: Alison | 2008/07/16

not sure if you are married or now.. if you are... focus on your marriage first. (these internet things can be romanticed)
But that said, i have a similar thing going... facebooked my first real love from 10 years ago, he wrote back a couple of times and it was really special and exciting!! but i am single and he is married so i just enjoyed it for what it was.
enjoy the attention and the connection... maybe it will develop into something, but relax and let what is meant to flow into your life happen naturally. all the best

Reply to Alison
Posted by: been there | 2008/07/16

Gracie, dont make the same mistake I did. Was in exactly the same situation as you went crazy for my dream facebook guy he was perfect UNTIL we met again then only did I realise what a wonderful partner I already have & how lucky I am to have him instead of the dream facebook guy. Remeber its internet you dont always get what you expect even though you know him for so long he may not be the same. Good luck

Reply to been there
Posted by: Maria | 2008/07/16

Gracie, affairs don't have to be physical... some therapy might be a good idea. Nobody's marriage is perfect, one must just keep working at it.

Take care

Reply to Maria
Posted by: Gracie | 2008/07/16

Maria - I hear what you saying - I have known this man for 30 odd years already and by chance now I made contact with him. I guess maybe the fact that I miss the life I had before with my ex-husband and all our friends could be the reason why I am having these feelings - I dunno, maybe I should speak to someone. I must add very honestly that my present marriage is hardly a match made in heaven. My husband is very "familie vas" and his family ALWAYS come before me!! I just don't want to break contact with this man - I am however not about to board the first plane to the Cape to throw myself at him (hahaha sounds exciting tho!!). Thanks for your input! This man is divorced and single and anyway we are not about to embark on a steamy affair. I have known him for years and would probably giggle myself silly if he tried anything with me! Thanks anway gals, needed to get that off my chest!

Reply to Gracie
Posted by: a-non-a-muisie | 2008/07/16

Hi, i "ran" into an x I left for my husband 25 years ago....and had the same problem...we romantisize (sp?) i think...

he's probably a pig! hee hee just joking

if you are currently married or involved, i think you then have a problem...mine turned out to be rich and had 4 kids and and and - wish i left my husband that time and not this guy but ja life

Reply to a-non-a-muisie
Posted by: Maria | 2008/07/16

Get off facebook, and spend more time with your husband. Go for some personal counselling. Your falling in love with the "idea" of this guy, you don't even know what he is like now. Don't put your marriage in jeapardy for an illusion.

Reply to Maria

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