Posted by: kato | 2008/10/22

Foursome dilemma

I need advise. I did something really stupid which I now regret really badly, and don' t know how to deal with this situation.

Some time ago, a game of truth or dare with another married couple and too many drinks got out of hand and we ended up having a foursome. It was fun at the time, one of my fantasies I suppose and I felt OK about it afterwards. My husband also enjoyed it and we were generally OK with it as a once-off fun experience (if a bit wild!)

However, now whenever we are out with these particular friends, they want to have sex with us again. They are really good friends of ours besides for the whole foursome-thing, and the situation is really getting uncomfortable. My husband has less of a problem with it than I do, and we have ended up doing it a few more times because I felt subtly pressured into it. Now it has gotten to the point where I am feeling disgusted with myself and am the only one who is not interested in repeating the experience. I don' t want to be a ' swinger'  and am feeling distraught that it has even gotten this far! I have spoken to my husband about my feelings and he has agreed to talk to his friend (who always initiates this game) but when push comes to shove and we all had a few drinks somehow it feels stupid to take a serious stand now that this has happened a few times.

How do I handle this at this late stage, being the only one out of four people who is not interested in continuing this?

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageSexologist

As far as I'm concerned, you have absolute rights over your body and if you do not wish to do something, you do not have to do this. It may be that the other couple take this personally, but if they do then in my opinion it's a friendship worth losing as one of the key tennets of friendship is respect for another's wishes not to do something. I have read the posts from the other people and do not share their scepticism regarding your husband - if you have concerns about this, then talk to him about it and check it out - don't make assumptions...
I would also think twice about how out of control you get when using alcohol for future - this could potentially have been a life changing experience if condoms were not used (more likely when intoxicated)...

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Our users say:
Posted by: TT | 2008/10/23

I dont belive u did that. U were not suppose to do it for the first time. My hubby and I love each other and we both jealous so seeing him having sex with another woma especial in front of me. Clearly it shows that ur man had a great sex with another woman that is why he want to do it again. U guys must' nt blame anyone if your relationship can end up with a separation.

Anyway good luck. Hope u will find a way to deal with this.

Reply to TT
Posted by: ? | 2008/10/23

My word...I could never do something like that. Forget feeling disgusted and distraught with myself - I' d have this constant picture in my head of my husband having sex (&  enjoying it) with another woman!!!! And the fact that he wants more of it, doesn' t it make you wonder about whether he' s really in love with you? Why would he want to have sex again &  again with another woman? I' d feel completely furious and insecure!

And now you' re in a situation where you don' t want it anymore, but secretly your husband is still going to want it. Won' t that make you insecure? Gosh these 3some &  4some things I feel is a huge relationship destroyer! Too many emotions involved.
If I were you, I' d run far away from it all! And try and move on...

Reply to ?
Posted by: Kems | 2008/10/23

Be honest and tell the other couple that you feel about about what happened and do not wanto do it again, also that because of that you wanto stop seeing them for a while untill you feel comfortable being around them again.

Reply to Kems
Posted by: Ray | 2008/10/23

My question is actually for Wanda - why did you want to know if she was double - penetrated?

Reply to Ray
Posted by: wanda | 2008/10/23

Did the other guy also penetrate you?

Reply to wanda
Posted by: A | 2008/10/23

You have a choice you play or you don’ t play no one forces you to do this except yourself if its such a issue don’ t go there don’ t visit don’ t be put in this situation its simple stop it

Reply to A

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