Posted by: confused | 2007/06/04

Found out he has a child

I am 20 years old and met this wonderful guy who is 22. This weekend he told me that he has a 2 year-old child. I was very shocked. I don't know how to handle things from here on. I really love children and am mad about this guy, but i am also afraid that this might change everything, even though i don't want it to. I will accept his child, but i am really afraid that he might never forgive me for reacting in the way i did when he told me. I started laughing and didn't want to believe him. I apologised, but what else can i do to show him i am supporting him and really want to be with him, that i am not just saying i want to.

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Our expert says:
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It HAS changed everything --- he isn't the guy you appaently thought he was. He can't have expected you to take the news calmly --- ot he would have told you at the very start. So he has nothing to forgive. Don't be so desperate now.

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Our users say:
Posted by: annon | 2007/06/04

helo confused i read ur post and ive been in that situation i know what u talking about but i never got a chance to here it from my boyfriend i found out from other people that he has a child somewhere else and when i confronted him he denied it and said that its not hes child.

He has no contact with this child or the mother he hasn`t seen the child from the time the child was born so he says..

I adore children very much but it was hard 4 me to accept reality or i mean to accept that he has a child and does not want to be apart of that childs life it wasn`t easy for me to tell him go find out if that child his yours and be there for the child cos i knew if i kept him away i would suffer from guilt he refused to go saying that the child his not his.

I still cant deal with it i think about this every day of my life i use to cry and feel depressed all the time.I posted here before and people thought what a b*tch i am but they dont understand the pain that u feel inside its something so awful that i cant explain.

I must say that u very strong to accept the child cos personally i would never i couldn`t bare the pain it was killing me inside.

hope all goes well stay strong and hang in there..If u love this guy accept him and the baby....

Reply to annon
Posted by: Mike | 2007/06/04

I must ask you are you ready to accept this guy with his child?
Are you ready to accept that child with all the good and bad that comes with that responsibility?
Raising a child is hard and raising a child that is not yours is even harder (even if the child stays with its mother) the child will always need the father to be involved in decision making.
The ex will always be in your life (child is sick, child needs this or that ect).
I am a guy who is going through hell with my wife because she thought she could handle the step child and now she has turned into a wicked step mother.
This woman never showed any hatred in the beginning to my child and only once we had our own child and got married the real person came out of her.
I am now considering a divorce because of this and its really a bad situation to be in.
I'm not judging you but you need to make sure about what you want in the next 3-5 years time, will your wants and dreams include your boyfriend and his child with another woman?
When you meet someone and fall inlove you dont think about the negatives of a situation, you just want to see the good, so before making decisions make sure you know what YOU WANT FOR YOURSELF.

Reply to Mike
Posted by: tantric | 2007/06/04

i can understand ur feelings concerning the baby but lately you are lucky to get a guy without a child because trust me it will get harder when it gets deeper between the two of you. i learnt to accept and for you he told you i just saw a boy holding onto my mans leg who looked exactly like him. i asked him is that your child he sadi yes, then i kept quiet for two days called him said ive accepted it, its not what i expected and it was hard for me but i got over it, atleast i know and we can enjoy each other , raising his son together and waiting till we get maried.
so just tell him you were in total shock could not understand and simply reacted the that way automatically tell him you thought about it and because you love him and want to be with him grow with him you will accept his child and the child is innocent in all this and hope things will forward from then on

Reply to tantric

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