Posted by: Jakes | 2005/11/29

Forgiveness: FIO & Friend

Jare van berou is nodig om één sonde in die oë van mense uit te wis; maar één traan van berou is vir God genoeg – Alexander Pope

The Bible also tells us that forgiveness brings peace.

BUT, and this is the big BUT - as in my case you talk to the other party and wife and beg to save the marriage and especially this other one just ignores you, you decide it is the right thing if only for yourself, to forgive and then get kicked in the teeth again and again by this other one.

The reason I quoted Mr Pope is that I did shed that tear before God- but it is so true that what I did still gets thrown at me as the excuse for what is happening now. I never lifted my hands to her, never swore, was always the same, no moods, gentleman even during my drinking days which stopped 10 years ago. I can go on and on but it may becometoo boring.

I think it is over.

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Our expert says:
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Suely the aim of forgiveness is to free yourself from the bitterness that ties you to the person who harmed you, and from felings of revenge --- it should not be done in such a way as to encourage or enable the other person to hurt you or others, again.

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Our users say:
Posted by: nou ja | 2005/11/29

Vergewing vind plaas voor bekering - dink 'n bietjie hieroor.En Jakes, moet net nie tou opgooi nie my ou - jy klink na 'n smart man!

Reply to nou ja
Posted by: figured it out | 2005/11/29

I hear you. I am still battling with what happened in my case, and believe me, I am far from forgiving her, and in many ways I do not want to forgive her because I feel she does not deserve forgiveness until she makes some kind of effort to realise her wrong doings and at least ask for forgiveness.

While she battles with her issues, they are her own fault, while I must pay the price for her issues. Why should I pay for her issues? Why must I pay for her screw-ups? And as long as I am paying for them, I will not find it in my heart to be able to forgive her, at least not now, and probably not for along time still to come, until at least I am sufficiently healed from the damage she has done.

So, forgiveness is this wonderful thing we are supposed to engage in to heal ourselves. that may be so, but there is atime for it, as there is a time for everything in life. A rtime to cry, a time to laugh, a time to hurt, a time to be happy, a time to be angry and bitter, a time to forgive.

I dont believe people should feel bad about being unable or unwilling to forgive, but at least be sure you know why, and be sure it is reasonable.

The only thing we can do is exactly what FRIEND says, make peace with ourselves so that we no longer get affected by the wrongs of what others have done in the past. Cant have a future if we keep living in the past.

Reply to figured it out
Posted by: Friend | 2005/11/29

Who is this other one - is it someone your wife has an affair with? Life is cruel and unfair and people more so.

Those who throws what you did at you as an excuse to go on with their wrongdoings, do not want to take responsibility for their own actions and use you're "fault" to justify their actions.

Make peace with yourself - that is the most important. Good luck.

Reply to Friend

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