Our expert says:
Its not clear from your message, when the horrible events in your wife's life occurred,but it sounds as though it happened well before she married you, and presumably before she began dating you.
Either way, something truly horrible happened to her ; she was a victim and surel traumatized, and may have struggled to try to put this behind her. Maybe she knew how cruel and judgemental you might be if you learned of this, and chose not to tell you, very understandably indeed.
I wonder how high your "standards" actually are and what this means to you. She is exactly the same fine person you fell in love with and chose to marry. Now you have learned that something terrible happened to her before then. Don't your high standards demand that you love her MORE for her sad past, that you should sympathise, and try to make it up to her ?
Would your "high standards" have demanded that you should have rejected her had you known at the time, to have compounded her misery, and made it worse for her ?
As Milla says, people respond to such trauma in different ways. Commonly, they find it harder to trust anyone else, and they may feel horribly ashamed even though it was not at all their fault.
I understand that you have found this discovery confusing and upsetting, and that it has taken you a while to sort out how you feel and what you need to do about this. I'm sure your genuinely high standards will make you love her all the more, and to want to be more protective and comforting towards her.
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