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Question
Posted by: Ria | 2006/11/09

Forgiveness

Could someone please help me to understand. My boyfriend (of 10yrs) has cheated on our relationship and I terminated it. Now I have been advised to "forgive " him. What I don't understand is why must I forgive him while he denied flatly the wrongdoing despite clear evidence that I had. Maybe I don't understand what that forgiveness mean .

Secondly, how will I know If I am ready to forgive him because I still feel He betrayed me ( after all that we have been going through).

Thirdly, We live in the same area and everytime I come across Him, I don't know how to react, that is whether to greet him or not.
PLEASE HELP ME!

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Our expert says:
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Who has had the cheek to "advise" you to forgive him ? have you noticed how many busybodies there are, constantly eager to stick their long noses into other people's business, and to urge us to forgive other people. They themselves have generally never experienced anything significant enough for the issue of forgiveness to even arise. Do NOT focus on forgiving someone who hurt you, cheated you, and is unrepentant --- it will do no good to him or to you. Tell the nosy one to work more on forgiving themselves for interfering in matters that are none of their business.
As kat says, when and if you meet him by chance, be polite and cool, and leave it at that. The only sense in which "forgiveness" is appropriate lies in you freeing yourself from any remaining bonds of bitterness that could tie you to him, so that you give up on anger and resentment that are unpleasant and unhelpful for you

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Our users say:
Posted by: A | 2006/11/09

I don't agree with "once a cheater always a cheater" but CS is right whoever told you to forgive him has a cheek! ANyway he is not asking for your forgiveness so why should you offer him that much, he sure as hell does not deserve it! Anyway if you do ever want to :forgive" him one day, it does not mean that you have to get back together, if he acknowledges that he has done wrong..then t is up to you to decide and you alone!

Reply to A
Posted by: T | 2006/11/09

You have a right to feel betrayed and to not want to give him a second chance.10 years is a long time and he threw it all away wit a simple adultry.Im sure u are hurt and confuses. Take time and find out what u really want.
Non of us here can tell u what to do because each situation is different but follow ur heart.
When ur heart is ready to forgive him then u will.Dont force ur self to do what otheres say.
What worries me is that u say he denies the wrong doing. He needs to tell u what happened,Im sure u dont need all the details but u need to know who she is how it started and how long it was going on for.Maybe after that u will be more willign to forgive and forget( which will take time) and that way if u two really want to be together ul know how to avoid that situation again.
U have the evidence.Stick to what u want to do.
And another thing ...if u forgive him so easily he will do it again very soon.Make sure he sees what he could have lost.
U are hard to replace and make him wish he never wants to hurt u again.I know what im talk ing about.
Just follow ur heart.
And take it easy....

Reply to T
Posted by: Echelle | 2006/11/09

Like I always say - once a cheater always a cheater, say hello to him and that's that, but do not continue with this relationship

Reply to Echelle
Posted by: kat | 2006/11/09

well if you bump into him then great him, you dont have to strike up a chat with him but you can be polite.

as for going back to him and forgiving him you have made up your mind so stick with it, the fact that you have now left him means that even if you did go back you will be doing it for everyone else. i think you might have felt a bit differently if he was honnest about it.

now as for forgiveness, all that means is that you are not going to hold it against him. it will hurt and you will be angry, but when you can look at him and not feel resentment towards him and you can honnestly say you wish him a good life then i would say you have forgiven him that doesnt mean you have to take him back it tust means that you dont hate him for what he has done. you have done the right thing. dont stress.

Reply to kat

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