Posted by: weakling | 2004/10/15

Forced into a marriage

I married a woman to please my parents - we were dating 4 6 months if not less and they insisted we get married ( I'm Indian). THe pressure was unbearable from both sides. I adore my parents and would go to any lengths to make them happy - I know my wife has done the same thing. Thing is i was engaged to someone else for 6 years and we broke up because I was still very immature in terms of things I did. Before I could contact her I found out she was marrying someone else ( 4 years later). I was prepared to just leave everything on the morning of my wedding if she gave me a chance but I never spoke to her or anyone about how I felt. I got married. My wife is caring - 6 years younger than me and I cannot relate to her child like nature no matter how hard i try.I've spoken to her about how i feel but she feels things could work out. I want to approach my parents and tell them I want a divorce but there's too much involved. My dad is highly respected man in our little community and so are her parents. He's health is another delicate issue and I would never be able to live with myself if anything had to happen coz of me. Im the only son and my world revolves around them ( we don't stay together). I am now friends with my ex and her husband and they've been amazing in the advise they give me- but it hasn't made life easier. Obviously everytime i see my ex I'm reminded about a wonderful life i let go off - I'm still in love with her but would never say anything as a matter of respect. I understand it was my mistake and I'll forever live with her in my heart. No one can replace her. My wife - well she also seems to indicate that she had someone she wanted to marry other than me but she now loves me. My days are dark and very unhappy. I don't even know of a question to ask to make this all's been 3 years - no kids, just a wife and a life i accept

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Our expert says:
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Its good to want to make your parents happy, but not at such a cost to your own happiness. How about trying some time in amrriage counselling, to see whether you twocan work things out, and if not, you will have a better reason for separating and more wisdom, for each of you, to avoid such problems happening again.
if you two decide to separate, that will not harm your dad, and your misery will not help him. And if she's not prepared to join you in marriage counselling, start counseling for yourself, to examine your options properly.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

Our users say:
Posted by: Jenna | 2004/10/15

I sympatize with your situation, it cannot be easy for you. I could be totally mistaken here, so please do not take offence. It seems as if you are concentrating on all the things you consider negative but you are not taking steps to change your situation. You say your wife is a good person, if you would allow yourself to stop pining over your ex girlfriend, then maybe you will learn to see your wife in a different light. How do you know that you would have been happy if you were married to your ex girlfriend, I believe everything happens for a reason, and marriage to your ex girlfriend was jus tnot meant to be. Accept that fact and move on, she definitely has. It is very difficult to find good people out, and if your wife is a caring person then maybe you owe it to her to at least try a little harder before you decide to give it all up. It will be too late after you have divorced to regret your decision.

Good luck with whatever you finally decide

Reply to Jenna
Posted by: babys | 2004/10/15

i understnd you love and respect your parents but at the end of the day its your life and your future that counts ,we ve got to put ourselves first especially this situation its a life time commitment be honest to yourself do the right thing if your parents luv u enough they will respect your feelings, just be in your wifes position staying with someone that doent luv u .do something b4 u hate each other

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