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Question
Posted by: G | 2007/04/10

For a ride or impossible to keep happy??

Hi,

Just need a bit of advice. My bf and I have been together on and off for almost 2 years. We have been through good and bad times - alot of bad, hence the break ups. He has a tendency towards a drinking problem - gets emotionally and verbally abusive. Got physically abusive twice in the begining and has since been to counselling and never done it again.

So, we have made huge strides for the better during this time. On Saturday he went on a bender and said all sorts of horrible things via phone to me about that he would never marry me, commit etc. (I had gone home hours ago). He always says nasty things when he is drunk, so the next day I forgave him and he PROMISED he would not go out and get drunk if we were having a disagreemnt - his answer to that is always to go get drunk and cause trouble.

Anyway, last night, he did the same again - I was at home and got no sleep due to the drunken phone calls - we had a disagreement earlier where he said I was all down and I said that the things he said to me about no commitment etc had really hurt and they don't just go away and that he had to prove to me and show me that he had not meant it.

Today alot of texts saying I PUSHED him/MADE him react that way. I again relented and listed things which were non negotiable in order for us to get back together as I explained I love him, but can't carry on that way- such as not drinking when we are arguing or getting so drunk he can't remember things. His only response was 'fair play'.

2 words??? Am I wrong to think that was unfair and that I am being taken for a ride? He complains that nothing makes me happy, but am I being unreasonable here to expect more? And not to be blamed for his actions?

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Sounds as though, if not an alcoholic, he still has a serious and significant drinking problem, and that no amount of promises when he feels remoreseful will be relevant. Maybe with proper shrink help to stop drinking and lose the alcohol problem, he might manage to become fit for a non-abusive relationsip. Otherwise, there's really very little chance of him changing for the better.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Fang. | 2007/04/11

Ag John-ee dear, I'm so glad you like my services. You're lucky to have scored the last furnished apartment with the family of swallows outside. Afraid they moved though, couldn't stand the smell of your STD's anymore. And by the way, the folks downstairs asks that you don't masturbate till early in the mornings as they have to sleep and your LOVE SOUNDS and screams of "John! Oh John!" just upsets them. And those crabs, well, I thought I'd spoil you, you know, so you could at least have a decent MEAL as you seem to spent all your cash on the apptment (yes, I struggle to take the R30 from you as I know you need it) and those filthy drug whores. Come over to my place and I'll gladly put you out of your misery. You know, the door marked "Fukc off, I just don't care!"

Reply to Fang.
Posted by: John | 2007/04/11

Forget? No way. Where else in Josie will I find someone that charges R30.00 - full house nogal - and swallows?

I'll be there, okay, but remember to use actual soap and water to wash this time, like I taught you to do. Dusting yourself off doesn't cut it.

By the way, do you still have those blisters on your thighs? What about the crabs? If thats not fixed then I'm not pitching up again this time.

Reply to John
Posted by: Fang. | 2007/04/11

Thanks John, will do. And don't forget our 'date' ok?

Reply to Fang.
Posted by: John | 2007/04/11

Wow, Fang, such venom. Have I dumped you before, in a fit of sanity? Seems to me that you seized this opportunity to vent on me here. I re-read my posting and, poor innocent lamb that I am, simply advised a victim to rid herself of an abusive relationship.

Ah well. Such is life. Keep taking those pills and don't skip any more sessions in the future, okay?

Reply to John
Posted by: Fang. | 2007/04/11

John would sugest fleeing, yes, setting another man free, hey John? To be like YOU? Please God just not an army of John-o's!?! First try and MAKE IT WORK John, and THEN, if ALL ELSE FAILS, only THEN leave him John-o, won't you agree? Us women can't just switch on and off like you can, dude! We love, not just lust, like YOU! Your life is screwed up, don't come screwing others' up too you selfish SOD! Sinfull lack of morals TOYBOY piece of shit!

Reply to Fang.
Posted by: BPD | 2007/04/10

I would suggest getting out of there as soon as possible. Verbal abuse can't really be proved... so you really think that you are going mad and end up going crazy!

Reply to BPD
Posted by: RMC | 2007/04/10

How did you MAKE him say those words? His peabrain thought them up and his mouth uttered them. Even if you stood and screamed obsceneties to him - how he chooses to react is up to him.

You don't need to be treated like this. The fact he got physical bothers me - he is more than likely to do it again and once again say you were the one that drove him to it.

Sashaay on outta that corral!

Reply to RMC
Posted by: John | 2007/04/10

G, as a man of my particular disposition towards relationships, I would shy from a list of rules as a horse would when stumbling accross a mean-tempered adder while wondering through the bush.

That said, I think you should mount said horse, give it a smartish crack with the whip, and gallop away from this man as fast you could, all the while telling the horse that sod of an adder is giving chase.

A man that refuses to take responsibility for his actions and says you 'make' him do things and cannot abide by his own commitments should be avoided like an employee of SARS.

Giddy up.

Reply to John

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