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Question
Posted by: huh? | 2004/12/23

First time

Been married for almost a year. Hubby has always been a great lover. Couldn't get it up last night though! I was so disappointed and frustrated.

He says it's not me, but I take it very personal.

What can I do to stop this from happening again?

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageSexologist

Don't make this about you. Erections fail for a lot of reasons, stress being one of them. Don't measure his love for you by the erection thermometer, as he could have been tired, sick, over worked, distracted, etc, etc.

If you continue being disappointed and frustrated you might very well become the cause, as your tongue could be castrating his penis (so to speak).

You don't say how old he is, etc. Call the SA Sexual Health Assoc helpline 0860 100 262 for a telephonic consult regarding erectile dysfunction.

Dr Elna McIntosh

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

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Our users say:
Posted by: kiya/lolla | 2004/12/24

id suggest when this happens hold him as crazy as it might sound men sometimes want to be held by their partners as well and play with his hair get him relaxed and show him you love him regardless of the act of pleassure and maybee sometimes just let him fall asleep because daily stresses works on them as well, then when he wakes up in the middle of the night with a hardonn then u jump his bones or even early in the morning.

Reply to kiya/lolla
Posted by: Xavier | 2004/12/23

Dear huh?

Yes, I must agree with most of the people here to say that it does happen, and age hasn't always got a thing to do with it. The most commen reason usually is stress and fatigue. It is not the end of the world however, try some other things for you to be intimate with each other. Take a long bubble bath or shower together where you can soap and wash each other. Try a sensual massage followed by slow oral sex, even if he can not get it up you at least can get rid of some of your pent up "aggresion" by also being stimulated.

Be honest with yourself, tell him you undersatnd and be patient, enjoy each other, sexual penetration is not always the answer or solution.

I sometimes just lie in bed stroking my girlfriends body (breasts, thighs, back, neck etc.) until she falls asleep, even if I did not get any stimulation, she will wake up more relaxed with a different outlook on life. That means more to us than just the deed for the sake of the pleasure.

Best of luck - X

Reply to Xavier
Posted by: Van | 2004/12/23

Maybe the problem is not his dick. Are you doing enough to turn him on? It might sound strange that a guy neds to be turned on for sex but sometimes guys also need some kind of stimulation.


PS: Exhale - get another suga daddy..lol

Reply to Van
Posted by: Exhale | 2004/12/23

It happens often to my SugarDaddy and he is only 43yrs and I am 22yrs and really pisses me off. His dick is as small as my hand little finger...I mean 5cm and as thin as a pritt container. It only erects before we start shagging when he is about to penetrate it dies uhhh....Eish I am so stressed up with that that's why sometimes I feel like buying myself a toy. So u are right lady u should b concerned this is a serious matter.

Reply to Exhale
Posted by: Othello | 2004/12/23

Erectile dysfunction (ED) can happen to any man, and the older he is the more likely it will happen. You'll need to talk with each other - I can assure you that he's going through enough self-recrimination already. It's neither his or your fault. These things happen and be aware that the next time you have sex, he'll be placing pressure on himself to perform and if he's not careful, performance anxiety will cause failure again. Allow things to spontaneously happen - don't plan the next session. If ED happens again, he could see his doctor and have a medical check-up, just to make sure that it's not a physical cause.

Good luck - things will be on the up soon, I'm sure

Reply to Othello
Posted by: whynot | 2004/12/23

Typing error sorry....I meant you shouldn't get concerned.

Reply to whynot
Posted by: noname | 2004/12/23

Don't worry about it...most men do have this inconvenience sometime or other...it goes away...work or other stress may cause this...however, if it persists then seek some professional advice...but for now...relax - too soon to ge worried

Reply to noname
Posted by: whynot | 2004/12/23

If it was the first time I think you should get concerned,talk to husband about it, could be stress related or something on his mind or as babe said check blood pressure.

Reply to whynot
Posted by: babe | 2004/12/23

He can get his blood pressure checked, that sometimes can cause that problem...

Reply to babe

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