Posted by: Janice | 2009/02/04

Fights and being paranoid

I am currently in such a wonderful relationship with a great guy and we have come a long way in the last two years. Last night I was out with a friend when he called me to say that he was stopping by for a drink and I was more than happy to be seeing him. When he got there, there was a situation when he called me rude in front of my friend which made me angry but I got over it. Everything seemed to be fine for the rest of the evening until we left and we ended up having a stupid argument. This morning when I phoned to make things right he told me that he is never going out with me and my friends again because he has never felt so unwelcome before and even though I had no idea what I had done to make him feel this way, he is really upset and not really wanting to speak to me. I am feeling so terrible now and I am so afraid that a fight such as this is going to have a bad impact on how far we have come because he takes fights quite seriously. Am I being silly or should I do something to make it right. I have told him that I am sorry if i did make him feel that way but still he is really upset and now I cant do anything else because I am worried about losing him. Does he just need time or do u think this is going to cause bigger problems?

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Our expert says:
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He called you rude, which upset you --- had you in fact been rude ? I think you have a good idea of "what you have done to makehim feel this way", even if you may fairly think he is over-reacting --- you did upset him and you diod have a big argument over something silly, according to your own story. I agree completely with Lee. Talk it over calmly with him to understand what happened. Tell him you didn't intend to upset him so much, and really want to understand how this happened so as to avoid it happening in future

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Our users say:
Posted by: Lee | 2009/02/04

You need to find out from him what you did that made him feel so unwanted. He might have had a really bad day at work and was feeling a bit sensitive and took something you said out of context and is now over-reacting. The only way is to sit him down and talk to him. If you cannot discuss things, then you need to realise that lack of communication is the cause of lots of problems in relationships. If he still doesnt want to talk about it, suggest a relationship counsellor to help you both learn to talk to each other.

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