Posted by: Anon | 2005/07/14

Feud with sister

I come from a very close family. For 3 years I have not spoken to my sister because she never liked my husband (I have been married for 20 yrs) and always put me in the middle. Eventually it erupted and we stopped talking. Ironically she does not get on with her mother in law and expects her husband to take a stand against his parents - he is in the middle of that one like I am. Anyway I sent her a letter the other day as it has been bothering me and also affecting my mom as we havent had Xmas together in 3 years and the family cant get together and so forth. I told her lets put the past behind us and move on. All I want is what she wants from her in laws - she does not have to like my husband but has to be civil to him for my sake. I have not had a reply. have I done my bit?? Should I stop worrying and let life continue? where to fm here?/ Has anybody had a similar situation?/

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Our expert says:
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Sounds like yo made a wise and sensible move ; maybe she isn't yet able to be adult enough to respond to it in similar vein. yeus, let life continue. Maybe, as Joanne E suggests, give her a phone call to ask if she has received the letter, and if she is prepared to move on, as you are. In my experience, I NEVER assume that ANY letter has ben delivered by our hopeless Post Office !

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Our users say:
Posted by: numsi | 2005/07/14

My family and I are not really close and neither is my husband and his. And because we live a life 'outside of the norm' (in many people's books) we can't be bothered. (We are swingers so obviously we are both rather private.)

We have both gone through fights with our families because of things that have happened (not lifestyle related issues, more family matters) and we have no qualms and queries about not talking to them. We chose each other and we live a wonderfully fulfilling life with our kids and our business. What can I say - if people (family or friends) cannot add value to my life, why should I try?

Reply to numsi
Posted by: Sunshine | 2005/07/14

I agree with Jemma and Joanne E...
You have humbled yourself and done your bit, make sure she recieved the letter and then its up to her to accept your outreach to her or not.
Other than that, your slate is wiped clean and you may have a clear concious. Also, like purple said, dont avoid family gatherings where she will be...

Take care

Reply to Sunshine
Posted by: Purple | 2005/07/14

I think you have done the right thing and also agree with Joanne E.

I'd go one further, and not avoid family gatherings where she will be. Attend, and just be pleasant to her. When she snaps at you or ignores you, it will be easy for everyone to see where the problem actually lies.

I don't think there is much more that you can do.

Reply to Purple
Posted by: Jemma | 2005/07/14

ps: Tell your mother about the letter and your efforts. |Perhaps your mother can speak to her.

Reply to Jemma
Posted by: Buzz | 2005/07/14

I know what you're going through, being pushed aside because of the person you're married to - and that by your own family! My situation also erupted and I've sent a letter to my sisters asking that we be civil to each other etc. etc. This was in March and I'm still waiting for a reply. Last week was my birthday, my one sister didn't even phone and the other only sent an sms. It hurts - I know.

I don't think there's much you can do about it, I've tried and it hasn't worked. My one sister recently had bad news and I phoned to tell her that I'm praying for her. Her husband answered the phone, when he heard it's me, he slammed it down. I phoned back and she was awfully "businesslike" with me.

As long as your intentions are good, you remain civil and not bad-mouth any of them, there's really not much you can do. Good luck!!!

Reply to Buzz
Posted by: Jemma | 2005/07/14

I agree with Joanne E. If you are sure she received your letter there is nothing else you can do. Unfortunatly the next step must come from her.

Good luck.

Reply to Jemma
Posted by: Joanne E | 2005/07/14

Perhaps just call her and ask if she has received it? If she has, and refuses to anything you've done as much as you can.

I agree - she does not have to "like" him but he IS part of her family - I hated my SIL's husband (we all did) but tolerated him her her sake.

Reply to Joanne E

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