Posted by: broken-hearted | 2004/02/05

felling desperate and betrayed

Dear Doc,

Please help. I am three years into my second marriage and am 43 years old. My husband has recently told me that the reason he looks at other woman and has taken to masturbating in the toilets at work during the day instead of making love to me is because he is disappointed that I do not walk around naked in front of him and shower with him. He says that he has no problem with my performance in bed but that I am lacking in the above mentioned areas and therefore rather than talk to me he has taken to satisfying himself. He says he loves me but I feel like my soul has been ripped out and the pain is so bad that I feel like I am dying inside. I feel that even if I did whatever he wanted that there would come a time again where I was found wanting and he would again choose to satisfy himself and ignore me. Please help me. I feel so inadequate and so betrayed. What do I do and how do I carry on?


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Our expert says:
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Dear B-H,
How selfish and thoughtless you husband has been ! And did he have the cheek to expect you to parade around to act out his fantasies, without even bothering to discuss this with you ? Tell him that the way he has chosen to deal with whatever problem he has, so far, has been selfish, hurtful, and self-defeating. If he wants to work things out, challenge him to join with you in proper marriage counselling, to look at ways in which the relationship can become more satisfying to BOTH of you. I agree with nina --- if he can't be bothered to try to improve things for both of you, and by a rational method rather than by a grubby escape route, and trying to put the blame on someone else, then he isn;t serious about the relationship as a whole.

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Our users say:
Posted by: lady nina | 2004/02/05

hi there

i don't thing you have a problem maybe he is hurting inside
maybe he can't preform in bed anymore and know it hurting you to cover up his short comings -

place the ball back in his court - commit to go for professional help - tell him you are willing to change and meet his needs on one condition , he joins you for counselling, if he is covering up something he will be unwilling to go and you will know that there is nothing wrong with you and the problem is actually with him and he is to scared to deal with it thats why he is saying hurtful things to you....then you have a choice to stay and live with this coward or get out

take care


Reply to lady nina
Posted by: Daisy | 2004/02/05

I agree with Sena!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

What a selfigh man! Doesnt he know anything about how to treat a woman? Masturbating the the toilets? It sounds like hes saying horrible things to get back at you? You know what you should tell him? Lately you have been looking at other men too. See what he has to say about that! Men think us woman are weak and that we dont do the thinds they do. Dont cry and get emotional over this. Give it back to him. !

Reply to Daisy
Posted by: Sena | 2004/02/05

Does he have any idea how much this is effecting you. He is so selfish for saying those things to you, blaming you for his lifestyle. It seems as if he really enjoys satisfying himself and even if you were some one else he will continue doing it. I agree that he should have spoken to you first, but instead he chooses to make it your fault. Maybe you should confront him, tell him exactly how he is making you feel. Ask him how he would feel if you prefered satisfying yourself instead of going to him.

Please don't doubt yourself because of the things he says, he is the problem here, not you!

Good luck

Reply to Sena

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