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Question
Posted by: Feelings | 2012/05/15

Feelings

I was sitting in the dentist chair yesterday with the laughing gas on for an hour. Not only did the dentist fixed my teeth but he solved a life long issue I had. I realized at 48 " I don''t havve to be like my father"  and m" my mother doesn''t have to like me, she doesn''t have to like the way I raise my kids" . But how do I tell them this, or do I have too? We are a close family yet emotionally we are closed. I feel the need to let them know, to be honest and open with them about my feelings. I want to be free to try and be perfect as they expect me to be. I love them both dearly but they made choices in their lifes that are having fatal concequences and before it is to late, I need to let them and myself become free. But how do I do that? They hardly ever said they love me even to today. I say that at least 20 times a day to my kids with hugs and kisses even if I am busy but never to busy for a quick hug as we pass in the passage. I am emotionally insecure and inferior because of my parents, and I know I made the choice. But no more, now I have to let go before it s to late.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

30 minutes of exposure to Nitrous Oxide ("laughing gas" ) doesn't sound like a good idea at the best of times. And as dentists have absolutely no training in psychiatry, I very much doubt whether he solved any lifelong issues for you. Such gases may cause confusion and excitement and disinhibition, and who knows, one might come up with some ideas you hadnt faced before. But yes, you don't have to be like either of your parents, nor do you exist in order to make them happy, though we all probably share some traits with each parent, and pleasing them isnt a bad idea in itself ! YOu don't have to announce these revalations to your parents, merely take them on board and apply them. If your mother persists in giving unwanted advice on child rearing, just tell her calmly and firmly that Thanks but you don't want such advice as you want to do this your own way, and you will ask her for advice when you feel you need it. If they're some of the people who find it hard to tell you they love you ( sometimes you have to look at what they do, more than what they say ) then so be it. You dont HAve to have them say that. Insisting on unrealistic expectations is like expecting their hair to turn green because you prefer that colour - it just creates a situation for you to feel bad in, and which isn[t at all useful. You are loveable in your own right, and don't need them to say so, to make it so. Do see a professional counsellor / psychologist, who can help you to capitalize on these new insights, and help you to live a happier life in yourself and with your children.

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3
Our users say:
Posted by: cybershrink | 2012/05/16

30 minutes of exposure to Nitrous Oxide ("laughing gas" ) doesn't sound like a good idea at the best of times. And as dentists have absolutely no training in psychiatry, I very much doubt whether he solved any lifelong issues for you. Such gases may cause confusion and excitement and disinhibition, and who knows, one might come up with some ideas you hadnt faced before.
But yes, you don't have to be like either of your parents, nor do you exist in order to make them happy, though we all probably share some traits with each parent, and pleasing them isnt a bad idea in itself !
YOu don't have to announce these revalations to your parents, merely take them on board and apply them. If your mother persists in giving unwanted advice on child rearing, just tell her calmly and firmly that Thanks but you don't want such advice as you want to do this your own way, and you will ask her for advice when you feel you need it.
If they're some of the people who find it hard to tell you they love you ( sometimes you have to look at what they do, more than what they say ) then so be it. You dont HAve to have them say that. Insisting on unrealistic expectations is like expecting their hair to turn green because you prefer that colour - it just creates a situation for you to feel bad in, and which isn[t at all useful.
You are loveable in your own right, and don't need them to say so, to make it so.
Do see a professional counsellor / psychologist, who can help you to capitalize on these new insights, and help you to live a happier life in yourself and with your children.

Reply to cybershrink
Posted by: cybershrink | 2012/05/16

30 minutes of exposure to Nitrous Oxide ("laughing gas" ) doesn't sound like a good idea at the best of times. And as dentists have absolutely no training in psychiatry, I very much doubt whether he solved any lifelong issues for you. Such gases may cause confusion and excitement and disinhibition, and who knows, one might come up with some ideas you hadnt faced before. But yes, you don't have to be like either of your parents, nor do you exist in order to make them happy, though we all probably share some traits with each parent, and pleasing them isnt a bad idea in itself ! YOu don't have to announce these revalations to your parents, merely take them on board and apply them. If your mother persists in giving unwanted advice on child rearing, just tell her calmly and firmly that Thanks but you don't want such advice as you want to do this your own way, and you will ask her for advice when you feel you need it. If they're some of the people who find it hard to tell you they love you ( sometimes you have to look at what they do, more than what they say ) then so be it. You dont HAve to have them say that. Insisting on unrealistic expectations is like expecting their hair to turn green because you prefer that colour - it just creates a situation for you to feel bad in, and which isn[t at all useful. You are loveable in your own right, and don't need them to say so, to make it so. Do see a professional counsellor / psychologist, who can help you to capitalize on these new insights, and help you to live a happier life in yourself and with your children.

Reply to cybershrink
Posted by: cybershrink | 2012/05/16

30 minutes of exposure to Nitrous Oxide ("laughing gas" ) doesn't sound like a good idea at the best of times. And as dentists have absolutely no training in psychiatry, I very much doubt whether he solved any lifelong issues for you. Such gases may cause confusion and excitement and disinhibition, and who knows, one might come up with some ideas you hadnt faced before.
But yes, you don't have to be like either of your parents, nor do you exist in order to make them happy, though we all probably share some traits with each parent, and pleasing them isnt a bad idea in itself !
YOu don't have to announce these revalations to your parents, merely take them on board and apply them. If your mother persists in giving unwanted advice on child rearing, just tell her calmly and firmly that Thank,s but you don't want such advice as you want to do this your own way, and you will ask her for advice when you feel you need it.
If they're some of the people who find it hard to tell you they love you ( sometimes you have to look at what they do, more than what they say ) then so be it. You dont HAve to have them say that. Insisting on unrealistic expectations is like expecting their hair to turn green because you prefer that colour - it just creates a situation for you to feel bad in, and which isn[t at all useful.
You are loveable in your own right, and don't need them to say so, to make it so.
Do see a professional counsellor / psychologist for help to work through all these issues, to feel more confident with more self-esteem, and to be better able to enjoy your life and your children.

Reply to cybershrink

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