Our expert says:
Gay, lesbian and bisexual expert
Hi Confused and thank you for your posting.
You inform us that at the age of 26 you present as masculine, have never had sex, are sexually attracted to older men to the point of this keeping you awake at night, and that you're wondering whether this means that you're gay. You also state that your parents are opposed to gay people.
Being gay is about being sexually and emotionally attracted to people of the same sex, as opposed to people of the opposite sex. It has nothing to do with being masculine or feminine in terms of appearance or whom you've had sex with previously and it has nothing - zilch - to do with what your parents think about gay people.
You sound gay and it is likely that you're in the midst of the crisis of 'coming out'. Contrary to popular belief, coming out has little to do with telling the world of your true sexual orientation - it is a process of coming to terms with accepting yourself for who you really are. This has less to do with your parents' acceptance of you than about your acceptance of yourself - at the age of 26 you should be able to experience a level of separation from your parents and you need to begin forming an identity that is independent of your parents' expectations. Accept that your parents may be homo-prejudiced or even homophobic - you may have to deal with that later.
Right now the most important thing is that you accept yourself. There is nothing wrong, or unusual, in what you're feeling or experiencing.
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