Feelings

Question

Posted by: Just Me | 2004/10/15

Feelings

Hi there

Just a quick one. Is it normal to have feelings for an ex, even if you are involved and have been for over 4 years. CAuse every time we talk there is always an underlying tension. Neither of us ever bring the topic up, cause we both know that nothing can ever again happen between us. I am just concerned that the feelings have never really gone away.

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Our expert says:

CyberShrink

Hello Just Me,
It all depends on the nature of the relationship then, and now. It's very normal to retain some feelings for an ex, especially with whom one had a pleasant relationship and a not too bitter break-up. Good responses from other readers, here. And also a good reminder that having reasonable good or affectionate feelings can become part of a form of friendship, without meaning that it'd be a good idea to get back together again.

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Our users say:

Posted by: Jasmine | 2004/10/15

I also have feelings for two of my exes in a loving non sexual kind of way. But it is important to remember why things did not work out in the first place. Keep all the good memories treasured in your heart as well. So, yes - it is not uncommon.

Reply to Jasmine

Posted by: GG | 2004/10/15

I have been divorced since 1997. I still have feelings for my ex. I speak to him now and again as we have children. but I don't think i would like to live with him again, yet I am never quite sure, given the chance,we could love each other again. So yes, I think it can happen.

Reply to GG

Posted by: RS | 2004/10/15

It isn't abnormal - it just means that theres things you haven't dealt with that might still trouble you. If you trust each enuf you can choose to sort that out or else just let sleeping dogs lie. Perhaps keep a distance from each other and don't lead yourself into temptation. Think about the reasons you broke up - four years can either call for a new start or simply mean there was nothing there in the first place and you're just idolising a situation that never was - perhaps due to a lack of somethin in your current relationship?

Reply to RS