Posted by: Heartbroken | 2008/09/21

feeling wothless in this marriage

Well how odd here i am qriting about something that affects so many married people, no sex in ! Once again the old thing that break' s so many marriages and now after such a long time it looks as if my marriage is dead.

I am a faithfull hard working husband who loves his wife dearly, as well as the 2 kids. I do everything for her i help out at home, buy her what she needs tell her that i love her, do the whole romantic thing and so on. But the intimate relationship is dead. To think this year we will be 15years married and i get to have sex once every 6 months.
Then tonight out of the blue she said that i irritate her in almost everything i do and that is why she does not feel like having sex with me .......... I am so heart broken i dont know what to do, i feel like taking my stuff and disapear. But i love her and the kids to much. How do i fix this and what can i do to get her to feel attracted to me again.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageSexologist

This is indeed a very difficult situation and one which you have only half of the influence over as you cann't make her feel/do anything. It sounds like the sexual relationship is affected by the general relationship (if she says you irritate her) and this needs to be resolved before the sexual aspect can be addressed.

It is important to make sure that you are both satisfied with the marital relationship - this includes asking her for feedback about how she feels/anything she'd like to improve, and likewise, you give her feedback and discuss what you would like to improve. Do this very gently!

When it comes to discussing the differences in sexual needs (which is VERY common) I always encourage both partners to be willing to understand what it is like for the other partner and then come to some middle ground / a negotiated compromise. It seems unreasonable that she should expect you to operate like her - perhaps try to explain to her in non-sexual terms (e.g. If I say to you when you are thirsty/hungry that I can do without a cup of tea/chocolate cake/whatever therefore so should you, how would you feel? Sexual hunger is similar). This is not to say that you should always get your way either, but I imagine it would do the relationship some good if there were some element of flexibility.

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Our users say:
Posted by: jimbo | 2008/09/23

BETTY you are so spot on ...hey mr heartbroken if ever you heard what to do listen to betty ...your are a man so stand up brush yourself off stop feeling sorry and stop hoping things will change have to change them ..i would stop all the i love you stuff and take contol ..improve your looks .join a gym start spending q t time with kids alone if wants to join let her if not bad freaking luck ...maybe she doesnt want a puppy dog that she can bye from a pet shop ..she wants the man that she married ..get independant i dont know how old you are but its never to late to start over ...find a hobby a bike take up bodybuilding but start becoming that man and watch what happens ...hey it worked for yours faithfully and we are as happy ...well lets just say the bedroom department its taken care of...hey if dont work sadly the love has died then you must move on ..good luck

Reply to jimbo
Posted by: JK | 2008/09/22

LOL will human beings ever be satisfied. It' s either women who cant understand why their men are unromantic and this and that then it' s women who can' t seem to stand being around their men and then there are the good men who do all those things women want and they just don' t seem to appreciate it.

I' m so sorry about this. You reall seem like decent guy any women would want to have and love. Really hope you can find a solution to this.

Reply to JK
Posted by: :0 | 2008/09/22

Lol wat when he stops with all that he does, then the wife finds someone to do all that for her, you know on the side.

Reply to :0
Posted by: Lol | 2008/09/22

You wife is mad. U dont need to do anything to her as she is the one who is ignoring u. Spend a lot of time with your friend and go out a lot with your kids and leave her behind. When she ask why tell her that u trying not to irritate her as she said. And dont ask sex until she ask u why? U are a grown man i think u can survive for few months without it. All the romantic things u do for her stop it.

She will realize how important u are in her after that. And make sure u stop everything until she complains but dont forget about your kids.

Reply to Lol
Posted by: Betty | 2008/09/22

Treat ' em mean to keep ' em keen!

Simple, stop helping around the house, be dismissive, don' t ask for sex, do your own thing. Spoil the children but ignore the wife.

A few weeks of this, she will be begging to have the ' old you'  back - and she will hopefully appreciate what a special man she actually has.

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