Posted by: Anonymous | 2009/06/02

Feeling Suicidal

Dear Cybershrink

I am a 44 year old female. I feel suicidal. Been like this for a while. Am on 60mg Cymbalta. Urbanol as required. Finally got an appointment at Groote Schuur counselling. This is what is wrong, I feel like I just can' t deal with this **** anymore, I just can' t.

1)Thru her own stupidity my mother lost all her pension and everything. I support her and she gets the state pension. We have private medical aid. She has had 2 ops and a mild stroke. She acts like a child in the hospital and had a bad fall as a result. I read it in notes " patient refuses medication, patient refuses to have guard rails up despite being high fall risk patient" . She thinks it is cute.

I am now in debt to the tune of R300 000 thanks to her and her selfish rotten sons. I wish I could meet someone, but who is going to want to take on a woman like me with this debt, no assets and my mother? Sadly I am attractive and known to be a very nice person.

I broke up with my live-in boyfriend of 11 years. The reason - he was unemployed or starting this or that project. I just can' t take it anymore. Been 4 months since we broke up. He is heartbroken it breaks my heart. We still love each other, but cannot come to agreement on our issues. Just cannot.

I have a great **** job. Family biz. Rich. Speak to you like...treat you like...What to do but eat humble pie, right? Can' t afford to go, companies takiing advantage of the economic situation and vulnerable employees.

I am so broke (and ironically well paid). I bought a bag of apples at WW on credit. My mother who has Diabetes ate 7 the same night and then told me have she peeled half a one for the dog. The big fat dog that cost me R520-00 because she never stops shovelling **** in it' s face. I tell her over and over I am broke, she can see it. She is too lazy to make her snacks so she gorges and just ploughs through food, then at night when I and my ex who still lives me go hungry she feeds the dog off her plate. I feel murderous, truly I do. Nothing I say can get it into her head how selfish she is. I lost it on the weekend and told her this is why the family deserted her, why my father beat her (no excuse I know), why my brothers don' t care. She finds herself " in-offensive" .

I know told her that she is going to see a Psychologist so this person can teach her how to take care of herself and see how her selfish actions destroy.

I feel like getting on a plane and just landing anywhere.

I feel she is so selfish, I want to take her to Communicare homes, Groote Schuur and so on to show her how spoilt and un-appreciative she is (she will deny this).

I feel like kicking her out, I really do. She ruined my ******* life and I let her.

Oh, forgot to add her husband killed himself and her one son nearly killed himself.

How much more must I take before I get a life?

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Hold on and work through this set o problems, it'll be worth it. The hospital should have a shrink see your mother to assess her mental state and the reasons for her riskily uncooperative behaviour.
And now you have an appointment and will be seing a counsellor at Groote Schuur --- good. You are still a very nice person, just finding it harder to show this, in the current situation. Put the relationship onnhold while more things get sorted out.
If mom lives with you and is so wasteful ( again, I wonder whether she has always been like this, or whether she might be dementing ? Maybe she needs to be in care ) you may need to keep food and whatever else she wastes, locked away from her, leaving out only the minimum she needs before you return at night. And maybe find another good home for the expensive dog ? And if you think she contributed to the suicide of her huisband and the attempt of one son, don't add yourself to that dismal list. You deserve better, and should work with your own counsellor to find the best ways to arange for this

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