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Question
Posted by: kio | 2007/02/26

feeling sad

i asked my bf of 3 years whom i live with, if he is gonna marry me,he first said that he does not know, then said yes he is but not anytime soon.how should i take this?
i do not know what to think. i have contributed to some wrong in our relationship, nothing serious.
pls help. he says he loves me, and i him. should i be worried?

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Our expert says:
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This i a situation we hear about so very, very, often. He is entirely comfortable as things are --- you are giving him every advantage of marriage, with none of the disadvantages. WHy would he want to marry you ? You have done nothing in particular wrong, except to spend years with a man who doesn't want to get married

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Our users say:
Posted by: as a man | 2007/02/26

as a man, my experience has taught me to accept that often we do not make decisions UNTIL SOMETHING HAPPENS.
- I won't marry Kio until or unless my mother says so (because we do not want o be disowned or something)

- I won't marry Kio if my parent's marriage is still under such a lot of strain (forgetting that a new marriage in the family can help facilitate the mending or ending of the shaky marriage)

And as men, if we have you under same roof, why bother paying for the milk if the cow is in da house?

Start moving out. that has its own dynamics if the woman is totaly dependent on him. Do not move out because you want to force him to specifically marry you, no. Move out because you two need some time out and space to think things through about your private life, career, social status and other.

Reply to as a man
Posted by: Joy | 2007/02/26

When he says "not anytime soon" what does that mean?
Seems like you're afraid of this man..i mean to talk about things like these and i can understand your discomfort..but you know, one reaches a certain age and your expectations and needs change. Its best to voice them..not force them upon him..so you can get an idea of what his intentions are with you. He doesnt sound very positive..but i feel like you guys should just talk a bit and lay out a few things..he should tell you whats up and define "not anytime soon"..for starters. You're still young..its probably best to know what he's intentions are sooner than later.

Reply to Joy
Posted by: kio | 2007/02/26

hi joy

i am 27 so is he. we have been living together for 2 years now. i was married befor and have a child. his mom is living with us for a while until he reconciles he marriage with her hubby. they are having probs, so i told him that we should not fight like that if we were to get married. there were no fights. i just asked.

Reply to kio
Posted by: Joy | 2007/02/26

How old are you and how long have you been living together? Do you have kids with him? Why did you ask him that? Did you have a fight prior or are you getting the idea that things are falling apart? Maybe you should share more..

Reply to Joy

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