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Question
Posted by: katherine | 2007/08/23

feeling lost

I've been involved on and off with a guy for a few months, it was always just gonna be a casual fling and it ended up more and then we started fighting cause he wanted to push me away, found out there was another lady he wanted to be with, then he moved away but came back after 2 months, now we've been involved again since then, about 2 months now, things have gotten pretty serious and i was spending every waking hour at his house, cooking, movies, dancing etc and just having fun,
it was still on a casual basis but then we started fighting again, he doesn't talk and usually only opens up when drinking but i suppose i would never know when he's talking the truth,
he's often compared me to his ex wife who is still friends with and has a daughter, he's decided he wants his daughter with him so the only way is to get back with the ex, i think it's great except about 2 weeks ago, he said we need to talk as he has more feelings for me than as a friend, that he's scared for us and needs to know how i feel about the ex and daughter coming up here, at the time i just said i would respect his wishes,
within 2 days he started pushing me away and shutting me out citing he needs time alone to think yet he still visited all other friends etc, i've played it cool and stayed away refusing invites to parties at his place etc until last night
we drank quite alot and it ended with me spending the night, he's been great today except now says he doesn't want to sleep with me but can't stop himself when he's drinking,
he doesn't want to talk cause he says he can't talk honest but will make comments like if honesty was an issue you would have a ring on your finger, wake up and realise why we fight
i don't want to push it but i've fallen in love with him, now i'm lost cause the ex and daughter are here next month for a visit to see if they want to move to him, i know he has some feelings for me but also know he's made up his mind and i cannot stand in the way of a father being with his child
do i let him be till she's gone and he decides what he wants or do i tell him how i feel, risk the rejection (which i already am experiencing) but know he knows and hope for the best
help i'm lost and confused and hate it

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Sounds like an awfully conflicted relationship. How about geting into some sessions of real relationship counselling, to sort out what you each actually want and what this relationship is capable of. It otherwsie really doesn't sound as though either of you, but especially not him, are yet ready for an ongoing serious relationship.

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Our users say:
Posted by: nols | 2007/08/24

i think it's time you move on and lose this loser,he is playing with your feelings and does not know what he wants.there are plenty of guys out there who will love you for you and maybe without baggage and ex'es

Reply to nols

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