Our expert says:
Of course the problem is not having discussed such an issue before marriage. Not everyone does want to have kids, and for that nobody needs to apologise. Sometimes it's that you dont actually like being with or mothering kids, sometimes it's a dread of pregnancy or childbirth, or some combination. But nobody has to want kids. The problem is if you marry someone who DOES want to have,kids, without telling them that you don't --- its like hiding other facts that would have been relevant to them, like your religion, a long criminal history, or whatever. They might not mind, but have a reasonable right to know.
It is entirely normal for some people not to want kids, just as it is entirely normal for some folks not to want to get married. And dont assume that this wil have to be a bomb. It might come as a surprise to your family, or maybe not. Either way, you should never have kids just because the family expects it. Do you know your husnand's wishes and feelings about this ? After 4 years, he might have been wondering why there have been no children, and if you have either or both been using contraception, with no discussion of doing otherwise, maybe he is content. Dont you need to have a calm discussio of the issue with him, rather than a dramatic confession ?
That your friend has been trying unsucessfully to have kids is sad, but of course in no way your fault, nor related to your preference not to have kids.
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