Our expert says:
Such ambivalence is very common in situations like this, so don't blame yourself for being normal. To want him not to suffer needlessly is natural and a kindly impulse.
One wonders about him having started to sneakily stop taking his meds ( something good nurses should always be on the look-out for and deal with professionally ) - was he perhaps trying to sabotage his illness, and bring his life to a more rapid end ? This might, some people could think, have been an understandable and justifiable decision on his part, or might have reflected a depression that deserved recognition and treatment - at least it was something his doctors and nurses should have noticed and discussed with him.
However, from the sound of it, the matter is now out of your hands. You can only be available to visit and comfort him when he wakens, or be prepared to accept hsi end if that is what is coming.
It's sad, of course ; but as I often quote from the American writer Stewart Alsop who wrote about his own battles with cancer, "There comes a time when a dying man needs death, like a sleepy man eneds sleep." If so, let him sleep in peace
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