Posted by: ai toggie | 2008/10/27

feeling down after birth of baby

Hi, my eldest child is 2.5 years, the youngest one is 6 months. I am just so tired and I never feel happy anymore. I just want to sleep and sleep and never wake up. my husband doesn t understand how I feel, I don' t even understand how I feel. I have two beautiful children and i know i am verby blessed because there are people who want children and can' t have them and I love them and I wouldn' t exchange them for anything... but I still have this feeling of complete and utter hopelessness and desperation. It take everything I have to get out of the bed in the morning and I really struggle to concentrate on my work. I don' t feel like going home in the afternoons because then it is a mad rush to get everything done, pick up the kids at creche, get home, feed them, bathe them, cook dinner, do washing, do ironing, pack their creche bags for next day. by the time I have an opportunity to slow down it is 10pm and I still have to give attention to my husband or he feels neglected. it just feels like i am running out of steam and the baby is still waking up two or three times a night as well. i can' t remember when last I had a decent night' s sleep. sometimes i just dream that i can just sleep forever. it really feels like i am losing my mind and i am afraid that i will lose my job as well, because i can' t concentrate or focus. plus my husband is getting fed up because i have no interest in him physically and our sex life is non existent. i am also struggling with my weight and my skin after my second baby... i am fat and ugly and bulgy and everything is just hanging and I can' t even bear to look at myself. i don' t have time to do the things i have to do, not to mention making time for exercise. i do try to eat well (lots of fruit and vegetables) and I drink at least 2litres of water a day but it just doesn' t help. my skin is also very verby bad. not just on my face, but on my chest, throat, neck upper arms and back. it really makes me feel even more ugly and gross. i just feel so completely lost and hopeless

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Sounds like this could well be the rather common problem of Post Natal Depression ( PND ). Depression often comes on after childbirth, related to many aspects of the situation, including the major shifts in hormone levels during pregnancy. And sometimes Depression shows itself in the ways you describe, with tiredness, gloominess, hopelessness, etc., not necessarily making it obvious to you that this is Depression. You have been sleep deprived, and your husband should be sharing more of the childcare and indeed housekeeping chores, as you both work. Depression typically damages concentration and focus, and you lose libido and interest in sex.
DO, PLEASE, arrange to see a good local psychiatrist as soon as possible, perhaps with the aid of your GP, for a full assessment and a discussion of treatment options. Probably an antidepressant medicine will be recommended, and also ask about local availability of Cognitive-Behaviour therapy ( CBT ) which is highly effective and can be quite enjoyable, ansd with lasting benefits.
Work with your shrink, and you should be feeling noticeably better in a month or two, maybe sooner ; and feeling much better before much longer than that.
And do keep in touch here on the forum and let us know how you are progressing

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

Our users say:
Posted by: Zelda | 2008/10/27

I just wanna say if your husband wants sex again he damn well better start helping you out. It sounds like you' re the only one holding things together there? Foreplay starts with consideration on his part. :)

I hope things get better soon. It' s awful to feel so tired and down, but know that like CS says, this black hole WILL go away - it just takes a bit of courage and strength to fight back.

Reply to Zelda

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