Posted by: Adrianna | 2009/06/29

feeling depressed of the way my life is going!

I am a young woman of 27 years that needs help and advice about her life, as i begin to feel deoressed with this feeling of hopelessness and the feeling of helplessness. This has begun a long time ago since my childhood, and i feel it is time i dealt with a lot of the emotions i am feeling now that making me feel like this.

This is where i need your help. The thing is i had been molested since my earlt stages of life. I grew up being the child being tortured at school, did not have much, found myself slone lost of the times and sometimes preffered it so. I was afraid of being around people, mostly boys. I felt awkward around peole.

Many peole did not understand my behaviour and they isolated themselves from me, and i felt so alone and lonely most of the times. grew up with these emotions, and found solace in television and later in life in books. Around my teenage hood tried to get out of the little cocoon i found myself in and tried to live and be normal, i was tired of being the odd one out and existing. Around 17 - 18 years of age, i felt disappointed with my academic accomplishments from matric and that was a low blow as i always regarded the academic aspect of my life the only thing i could do right and best in my life.

I met a guy i liked for once, there was a possibility of him being my boyfriend as i found myself really attracted to him, and the while i was taking my time to study him and what is it about that i found so intriguing. he started to notice me and he came after me before i could make up my mind about him. and that confused me a lot as i had always being the thinking type before acting out something.

I allowed myself to be wooed by his lies and promises, later i found out that he only wanted to bed as he was checking me out earlier while i was checking him out, it was a disaster really as he came to learn that iwas not going to sllep with.

We were at this lodge for school staff from college, and fool i was spent alot of time in his room when i went to mine , i was locked out. and i went back to his room, i did not mind him kissing an d i began to feel uncomfortable when he staterd to touch me intimatelt and i told him so, but he did not listen. Next i started throwing up the staff i later found out that he put into my drink. Everyone saw me leaving his room and started these rumours that i slept with him, and he did not even try to deny them as lies. He was angry at me for not sleeping with him and how he enjoyed torturing and huliliating me after that, for the entire year. He did not even speak to me after that, all he said was it was my fault that i aroused him, as he made me feel it behind my rear, and i had to sleep with him. And that is when i realised that i made a mistake and stopped a couple of days after we returned to school. What is wrong with me, i evev apologised for making him aroused and i asked to give another chance to be his girlfriend before i cut my losses and left, and he was not very keen. long story short, i acted in avery pathetic way after him even after i was violated and tortured emotionally and psychologically by him, even this day i could still feel the hurt, shame and humiliation of that encounter, and what is worse is the opinions that people began to have about after it, gone my god self image and i began to see that even those i thought to be friends treated me differently and no one believed me when i said i diid not sleep with him. He haunts till this day, i still see him and i do not know what to say, we never really spoke of that night, i later learned that he was a sexual predator and i should have been lucky that i got away as many before and after me were not. help me please i never looked at another guy again.

Later i found solace in porn movies and romantic novels, and i was addicted to them for a while, after i was into masturbation and i alwauys find mtself feeling empty and dirty and used afterwards, no contentment or pleasure at all, not even physical one anymore. I feel so lonely, depressed, afraid of guys, do not have many friends and thosa truly to call my close friends, i always find myself alone apart from going to school, church and being with my family.

I want a normal life, to be happy with my life and self, to be content. I want to have friends i can talk to about anyhting , a boyfriend i can trust and accept my no and yes.

Help me to fulfill my life with contentment and fill thi void inside of me.

Thank you!

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Hi Adrianna. This is a long and complex story, and a situation which I am sure you could be greatly helped to deal with, if you saw a good local shrink and discussed this all in some detail. You can work through all of this, and the unhelpful assumptions you have formed, about yourself and the world, with the right sort of expert help, and can achieve what you hope for in life.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

Our users say:
Posted by: ANONYMOUS | 2009/06/30

Listen here sweety, nothing is ur fault of what happened. Do not blame yourself for anything that happened. i went through the same thing being molested and later actually using men to hurt them. But you should not feel bad, that man is a bastard. There is something wrong with him not with you, besides no one deserve to be taken advantage of. you are special and dont think otherwise, see a shrink they will definately help you


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