Posted by: katy | 2009/02/17

feel trapped


i often think it would be easier to raise my son without his dad. his dad don' t help with him at all (son is 2 and a half), quit his job a few months ago, so i have to bear the financial burden too. also as far as ebverything else is concerned, if we' re intimate twice in 1 month, then it' s ALOT!
I am not as open withhim as I' d like to be because many a times he will misinterpret what i say and then we argue,etc.

i have had enough of this. I dobn' t have any close friends that I feel comfy sharing this with so i bear the burden alone. i usually talk to GOd and cry my heart out but it' s difficult for me to up and leave as his family is well connected with ppl in the courts that he assures me i will lose custody. i also don' t want to lose the control over my son allowing him to spend time without me at the in-laws or even with hubby. their ideas of stimulating our son is watching tv.. and not kiddy stuff like Barney, whatever movies they' re watching whether it' s a horror, extreme and explicit fighting, etc... they will also pump him full of luxuries as that' s what they' re always trying to do when we go and visit. they also have this stupid mentality of biting his arm til it leaves slight teeth indentations and thenn calling it a " watch" !

so i' d much rather stay in this troubled marriage so i can protect my son that risk losing him to these idiots! i sometimes even wish hubby to die so that at least i don' t have this worry anymore! i feel terribly alone and only tolerate him for our son' s sake... when our son goes to bed at night, i no longer have to pretend to be nice to him...

ps - i get up and see to myself and our son everyday, he sleeps, if i wake him, he is sooo miserable and takes it out on our son.when i get home, i make supper and look after our son too... he doesn' t even try to do things with him. He just says that my little boy don' t want to play with him and then he just watches tv...

i dunno what to do...

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Our expert says:
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Anyone notice a theme among today's messages ? SO many deadbeat dads giving up or losing a job and then just giving up, and expecting their wife to support them. I don't think it matters who his people are connected to, in the event of a divorce every court is required to decide what is in the best interests of the child, and not to take sides in a vendetta between adults
Would it be possible to persuade him to join you in mariage counselling, even if he saw it as helping hiom to deal with you as a problem-source --- so long as he gets engaged in the process ?
Either way, consult a good lawyer and check the situation --- I don't think it should be assumed that he and his family would automatically receive custody of the child. And for a court to ignore a loving and working mom, for a deadbeat dad, is hardly likely.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Shame on him | 2009/02/17

What a piece of work your hubby is ! Threatening you that he will take your son, indeed. Just follow the route as explained in the divorce support group and get away from him and his weird family. You would be surprised how strong you can be if you are just a little determined, don' t spoil or waste your life on the worthless item you currently call your husband, he is just not worth it. With you in spirit, keep praying to the Lord, he will help you. Remember the Lord will never send you any hardship that is beyond your capability to resolve.

Reply to Shame on him
Posted by: Pink | 2009/02/17

Old story don' t let them threaten you, see a social worker, leave and take your son, get a protection order he can' t stop you, his worthless lazy pig, you and your son don' t have to put up with this.before your hatred which I know you feel for him now turns to murder, leave and don ' t look back girl, what are you hanging around for? to support him, or the maybe twice a month intimacy.....not worth it.

Reply to Pink
Posted by: Guest | 2009/02/17

My best advice is to post your question on the divorce support forum as most of the people there have been or are in your position.

I believe that your son is worse off in the current situation then what he would be if you took him out of that environment. If you had clarity and direction in your life it would make you a happier person which means you will be a better mother to him.

Your husband is not interested in him now, why do you think he will be interested in your son when you divorce him?

As for the legal aspects the people on the divorce forum will be able to help but through my own experience I can tell you that if your husband wants access or custody he has to apply to the high court and he has to prove that you are unfit and that it is in the child’ s best interest to be with him. Yes, they always threaten that they will take the child, but that is because they know it is the only hold and way they can manipulate you. That is until you see a lawyer and realise that it is not the case.

Do what is best for your son. I did and now 2 years down the line I am happy and my 3 year old is happy, balanced and the joy of my life.

Reply to Guest
Posted by: me | 2009/02/17

i like the " watch"  idea - it sounds like fun (relax)! You don' t have to put up with shit because you scared of losing your son. Your husband is a lazy assed man - lazy to even make love to you! Now that he is not working - he literally has to be the house maid, cook, clean and meet your physical needs! he' s lucky he' s not my husband

Reply to me

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