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Question
Posted by: guilty | 2004/10/26

feel sex is dirty & therefor have no sex drive

Please help. I was raised to believe that sex is dirty and that women are there sort of to let the guy do his thing otherwise he gets frustrated and will look elsewhere.
I have a very loving fiance. I am trying desperately to try to find ways to enjoy sex. I often don't feel like having intercourse and at one stage it got so bad that he was convinced that I was having an affair because I would not sleep with him.

Life is so complicated as it is. What can I do so that sex is not an issue anymore.

Please help.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Dear guilty,
Don't blame yourself, but rather blame the narrowminded folks who brought you up with lies about sex. Some good advice all round ( Shaun, that's at least 5c worth !). But it sounds to me as if you really deserve to see a psychologist for a proper assessment and psychotherapy, to work through all the false negative ideas about sex and sexuality with which you were indoctrinateed, to help you get free from them, and find out how to be proud of yourself and your sexuality, and how to really enjoy it. Maybe even some pre-marital relationship counselling would help, too.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Shaun | 2004/10/27

Hey Guilty,

I forgot to mention one really important factor in this whole situation.

Speak to the hubby about this as well, more or less just like you have done here. This may allow him to act, or treat you appropriately so that you both can work thru this to make it the enjoyable & staisfactory experience it should be.

It takes time, but be determined.

Best of luck,
Cheers,
Shaun

Reply to Shaun
Posted by: Shaun | 2004/10/26

Hi Guilty,

Firstly, what are you guilty of???

Liewe Heksie is right though, sex is a wonderful thing that is shared between two people that really care for each other.
There is lots of reading, audio & video material on this subject. Some are really great, but then you get those as well that may make you more turned off than you presently are. So choose carefully & under professional opinion.
I would also suggest that you learn your body, & even admire & respect it!!! Be proud of what you got coz then you maybe able to project the feeling, if you can understand that.
Also, find ways of foreplay, as I've heard that although women may be physically stimulated, it really all starts with the mind. So you should get your husband to try stimulating your senses, especially that of imagination & expectation... You'll be presently surprised.
Be happy with your body, & consider it a privilege to share its nakedness with your husband.
Stimulation, anticipation, expectation, and although you may not think so, unpredictability play a big part in getting "there" & enjoy it, but remember, the first part is to stop thinking sex is dirty, & then think in your mind that your are so happy to be sharing this privilege with your hubby.
Lastly, but also quite importantly, stop trying too hard to enjoy the experience as it does have a negative effect on the libido. Just let what should happen, happen naturally!!! Yes, sex is totally natural!!!

Just my 2 cents worth.

Cheers,
Shaun

Reply to Shaun
Posted by: Liewe Heksie | 2004/10/26

Seks is 'n wonderlikste ding tussen twee mense. Hierdie wereld wat ons in leef het die 'n vieslike ding gemaak.

Jy ken dalk nie jou eie liggaam nie en weet nie eens wat sal vir jou "enjoyable" wees nie.

Een ding wat jy nie moet doen nie is op die sexology site gaan nie want dit is presies die vieslike tipe ding wat ek van praat.

Gaan besoek iemand wat jou kan help om hierdie "stumbling block" te oorkom sodat jy ook die wonder van seks kan ondervind.

Sterkte

Reply to Liewe Heksie

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