Posted by: Stormy | 2004/10/09

Feel like such an underachiever!

I have the most loving boyfriend, very supportive and caring. he's very succesful in all aspects, he's 34 old, director at his work place, beautiful house, nice car, we go on vacations every year(been together 4 3yrs)and then me an "UNDERACHIEVER GIRLFRIEND".

im 30yrs old, no degree, was a sales assistant all my life and he encouraged me to go back to study, which im doing( i stopped working) and im finding it extremely challenging. i love what im doing....Law.....but i find it so hard to adjust to varsity life.....and its looks like i will take forever to finish my degree wth the pace im going.

his best friend is a mechanical engineer and his girlfriend(23yrs), due to write her 2nd board exam to become a CA and on top of that she's so beautiful. i went to the "disadvanted schools", she's a model c with her posh english accent and she's forever speaking english, which at times i dont understand because they'll b just two of us....we both xhosa's but she'll be speaking english. and i feel so stupid with my poor grammar. most of the time we hang out together. i really feel like i dont belong.....

there's nothing positive to tell abt my life, my poor family, 3 step siblings from different fathers, a brother who has a drug problem and a mother who doesnt work. my boyfriend has never made me feel sml in anyway but sometimes i feel like his friends look down on me. i've never told him this, they get on very well and he likes them so i wouldnt like to spoil the friendship.

How do i deal with this?

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Our expert says:
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Dear Stormy.
You sound like such a clever and bright and pleasant person, letting yourself feel inferior, by comparing yourself with people who are different. You know there are so many thousands of people who have not achieved even a fraction of all that you have managed already.
Your boyfriend sounds like he's in such a privileged position he could choose anyone for his gf --- he chose you, so obviously he has good taste in maning such a sensible choice. You're studying law --- one of the most difficult courses possible, and you're able to enjoy it, too, something most students never manage. it's not easy, for most people, to adjust to varsity life, especially when one has grown and matured, a you have, and so many varsity students are kids with no experience, and often not taking their studies seriously and just looking for fun.
His friend's gf sounds awfully pretentious and showing off. Yes, it's useful in life, and in business, to be able to speak English with a nice accent --- so use the opportunities to listen to her and learn to do this yourself. But for her to keep speaking English when with close xhosa friends, sounds more like showing off. Its obvious from your message that you use the English language excellently, yourself.
Check out whether there's some counselling available at or through the varsity, as a counsellor could help you gain more self-confidence and to recognize your own excellence, which is probably more obvious to other people than it is to you. It sounds like, as a sensible guy would, he loves YOU, because you are loveable, and isn't bothering about whether or not he loves your parents or brother, or the family fortune.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Stormy | 2004/10/12

Tks guyz, really appreciate it.

Reply to Stormy
Posted by: lala | 2004/10/11

stormy i commend you for leaving a sales assistant job and going back to all you have to do is give it your best shot....4 years from today you'll be the posh lawyer with a posh lifestyle...i know people can pressure us indirectly...but dont let her get to your thing girl and i am sure you will be so proud of yourself when you best friend once told me that people get things at different stages in are only getting your chance of going to school good luck, hold your head up high and get that degree!!!

Reply to lala
Posted by: carol | 2004/10/09

Stormy ....

For starters i assume u wrote this letter ??believe me there is nothing wrong with your grammer or spelling for that matter ...

Im always amazed at the way Africans learn how to speak english which isnt the easiest language white but i couldnt begin to understand yr language .

You are 30 and started studying law ?/ well done .... that takes real courage ....

A lot of us dont have the best of backgrounds but some of us like u have the courage to get above it and do something with our lives.

Try not to compare yourself with other people ... look at yourself YOU are doing very well IMO .. with no reason to feel as if u are underachieving.

Reply to carol

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