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Question
Posted by: Silly | 2003/03/17

Feel like having the ex-wife taken out!

I've been dating my bfriend for approx 2 years and things are going quite well.Only problem; his ex-wife.This woman is forever getting things her way!Example, last year, his daughter's birthday party; she invites the entire family except for me and my little boy. When he fetches his daughter to come and visit, I'm not allowed to come with because she doesn't want to see me.I'm not allowed to answer the phone because she might phone and "...she doesn't want to speak to me, she wants to speak to him...", the list just goes on and on!He just goes along with everything she wants cause he doesn't want upset her and jeopordize seeing his dauthter. This woman just gets under my skin and my boyfriend and I end up fighting.If I don't find a way to control my anger we're going to break up soon.How do I deal with this?Please Help?

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Our expert says:
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Dear Not Really Silly,
Of course, you realize that when you get angry and squabble among yourselves, this is precisely what the Ex is wanting. Counselling may help learn more techniques of anger control, but maybe the best motivation will be the desire not to play into her hands.
What I don't understand is his --- if they ae divorced, there must surely have been some form of divorce settlement, including binding terms for his access to his daughter. My understanding is that recent Court decisions have made it, sensibly at last, much easier for a divorced father to claim and maintain access to his child, without helping a spiteful ex to abuse the child by using access issues to punish her Ex. Check with a legal opinion on this. I suspect it would actually be very difficult indeed for her to reduce or in any other way interfere with his rights of access, especially on ridiculous grounds like her disliking you or not wanting to speak to you. Reasured that this component of her blackmail may be totally invalid, maybe he could be encouraged to be a bit more manly and stand up for you and your child ?

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