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Posted by: The original ME (aka Tigger Togs) | 2004/11/11

Feel like a rubbish once again

Had a huge fight with the soon to be ex last night when he brought the kids home. Actually I didn't fight, he just stood there calling me an FB infront of the kids, that I am irritating everyone and must get a life. I can't tell you how many times he called me an FB, he first screamed at the security guard from my complex. The dirty looks he kept giving me, I can't explain how I felt. He didn't even say goodbye to the kids. I was finished. Sat and cried until 10pm last night. Today I can feel the tears are there. He screamed at me about the old house we have just sold because I refused to hand keys over and wouldn't give permission for them to do renovations until transfer, which they did anyway, they have done R250k worth of damage to the place, told him the guarantees aren't in place, he didn't understand so I said he must ask his dad what that means, told him the deal can still fall through and then we will sue him. Well he just screamed again that I'm an FB. He arrived in a dirty car with slops and a vest tshirt, dirty, unkept, stinky man. Thought he was so cool and gorgeous. I was devastated.

The swearing at me was part of our life, I eventually thought it was normal. When I wanted to discuss something with his he would stand there with his attitude, looking me up and down, arms crossed, smirking. When I finished he would walk up to me and stick his face in mine to intimidate me, saying I must wipe the corner of my mouth. When I asked why he would say because I was speaking S..T and some of it was left on my mouth.

I have tried so hard for a year to overcome this man and his abuse, I can't put up with it anymore. What about my kids, how must they feel hearing this? I used to get someone else to hand over the kids for this reason and then at the Family Adv. he insisted I start doing it. I agree on condition he no longer abuses me. Can't get a restraining order it's too complicated.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Well, at least you've discovered, in time, that he's far from cool. Indeed, it sounds like you're coping reasonably with a difficult situation, and that he is getting himself into a real mess. And distance has helped you confirm that his abusive conduct is NOT normal or acceptable. BE grateful that he IS soon to be an Ex. Go back to the Family Adv, and make it clear that he has broken the agreement not to be hostile and abusive on meeting you, and that the arrangement must revert to the prior system when someone else hands the kids over to him.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Tigger Togs | 2004/11/11

Bull - now you have me totally mixed up with another ME hence the new pseudonym TT.

I have realised someone can only upset you if you let them. He has no power of me anymore. "Puff the magic dragon..." !)(*%

Reply to Tigger Togs
Posted by: Bull | 2004/11/11

Your story just crabed me. When you told us that he's got a girlfriend, and then that he wanted to come fetch the fishes and then when he told you that he had left the girlfriend but it was a lie etc. etc.

I just felt sorry for you. And then you asked us for help when you went to family court - I could not give advise because I know nothing about it.

And then I saw a posting from you and I imediately asked how it went at family court but you never answered. And then you started writing about your husband and that you are in love with another man etc. and then I thought that I was going crazy but now I realise that someone else also writes under "me". And I was just happy to hear from you and also to know that I am not going crazy.

Enjoy your day and I'm very glad to hear that you are feeling better.

Reply to Bull
Posted by: Tigger Togs | 2004/11/11

Bull, who are you really? Thanks for caring though.

I know, I know, I will be fine, it's just it brings it all back somedays and I don't know how to handle it. Good thing though is I don't stay upset for as long any more. The bad days are fewer, in fact they don't even make a up a full day, it's more like hours.

I used to have this way of dealing with it. He jumps up and down like a little little man, one day he was so mad he looked like that dragon from the kiddies song - "Puff the magic dragon", small and purple with steam coming out his ears. I guess if I imagine him as that when he rants and raves then I'll be fine.

Need to also start doing some kind of exercise to get rid of these frustrations. Do you think ex hubbie bashing will qualify? KIDDING! You can see I'm doing better cause the wierd sense of humour is surfacing again.

Arrrghghgh! Call the men in the white coats. Heee heee!

Reply to Tigger Togs
Posted by: Bull | 2004/11/11

TiggerTogs all I can say is GOOD LUCK!!!!

And please keep us posted. I don't like these long "no hears" from you.

Reply to Bull
Posted by: Tigger Togs | 2004/11/11

Somedays I wish I had a really big boyfriend to just smack him silly. No I don't advocate violence but it's hard standing there alone whilst he hurls abuse at you.

Reply to Tigger Togs
Posted by: Tigger Togs | 2004/11/11

Hi Bull, nope, I didn't leave him. He left me. In fact he left me 14 times before and each time I took him back. Don't worry, I won't again. The settlement is going ahead, yes I've taken a cut but so what. But he is still going to be around and I have to put up with his abuse. The FA moaned at him cause the one day he took the kids they had a b/day party which he refused to take them to. Last night I wanted to inform him that my daughter's best friends party is on Sat and he will have to take them. Obviously between being called an FB etc it slipped my mind and I know he is such a !($%*& he will only scream some more on Sat when he fetches them and I have to inform him.

Then I wonder, he's the !()$*&% but he's the one with a girlfriend, everyone is rallying around him saying yes I'm a nut and blah blah blah, I'm the one who's single. If he is so bad why am I alone and not him?

Reply to Tigger Togs
Posted by: Bull | 2004/11/11

Good to hear from you after so long. Sorry to hear that things are still not going okey.

What happened at the Family Court?

I know you want whats yours but I think you must settle everything as soon as possible even if it means that you will loose some money. Get this man out of your life as soon as possible. Yes, he will still be in your life because of the children but you don't have to speak to him or invite him into your house. He can just drop the children and go.

Your children are still small and don't see anything bad in him but they will grow up and see all his faults and the mistakes his made and is still making. Just remember that you are a much better person that he is that's why you left him. So, don't let him get you down. Be glad that you got rid of him. Be happy for you childrens sake.

Good luck.

Reply to Bull
Posted by: Ultraman | 2004/11/11

Please contact an organisation like POWA on (011)642-4345. They may be able to help you. If not please call Sophie on 0827530144 who can help you get a restraining order. You must just be willing to call her. She'll do the rest.

Reply to Ultraman

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