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Question
Posted by: Bella | 2006/04/19

feel awful about lie

Hi, I have been crying the whole day yesterday and today. I kept a secret from my husband for the past 2 years. It began before our wedding, I had to apply for a personal loan to help my parents pay for my wedding, because at that stage my dad had to close his business and they were battling to keep head above water. I didn't tell my husband, I felt ashamed because my parents couldn't pay for the wedding. The other day he found out about the loan and we had our 1st big fight. I explained it to him and he okey with it now. I feel like I smasched up our marriage, that it will never be the same again. Maybe it is just me, he is going on as normal, forgiven me for what I have done. I need help please. At this stage it feels like I don't deserve him. He is the best husband ever!

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Our expert says:
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Hello Bella --- so sorry to hear about how bad you're feeling. It's always difficult to live with a secret, so this must have been worrying you for some time, in case it came out into the open. and now it has done so. I don't think there is any reason for shame. That your parents weren't able to afford to pay for the wedding happens fairly often. Usually, the family's admit this, and discuss it between themselves, and find a solution, maybe a modest and affordable wedding. I suppose that what your husband was most angry about was discovering that you had not told him about this, and had kept is a secret, when he could have helped to find a solution much earlier.
What you did was not a terrible thing, and has surely been much more difficult for you than for anyone else.
As you admit, he is OK with it now, and is going on as normal ---he has forgiven you. So why won't you forgive yourself ? You did nothing to hurt anyone but yourself, and you were trying to make things turn out as well as possible for everyone else. yes, he does sound like a good husband --- just as you sound like a good wife. You deserve each other. Now talk together again, tell him how awful you feel, and let him confort you. And if there is still money needing to be paid off on the loan, discuss this with him, and decide, together, what's best to do about this

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