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Question
Posted by: lady nina | 2005/01/13

fear of change....

hi there everyone

hope you have a wondeful year and will grow into stronger people and make wise choices

it's good to be back and i missed all of you

i've just noticed something quite odd lately, ok maybe not so strange... iv'e read a couple of postings where woman ( i assume ) stay in marriages even if they are unhappy and not in love with hubby, i only notice it bacause at the momen i would mind meeting someone special but there is not a lot of good men availible out here

so we have single people like me on one side who is trying to make the best of live yet longing for that someone and not totally happy, me for one is to shit scared to take a leap of faith, and on the other side we have a lot of not so happy married couples who is also just struggling day after day because they are to affraid to change.

isn't our fear of change preventing us all of living life to the fullest and becoming the best people we could be, not just big changes like getting involved with someone new or getting divorce but also changes inside ourselves?

the strange thing is most of us are strong persons who have coped well under very trying circumstances but we live behind walls to protect ourselves from pain and rejections, why do we fear to take a step out of the boundaries, why do we have the strenght to stay in a unhappy state day after day but we lack the strenght to face our fears and use our strenght to try something new that might make us happy?

thought i's just share this with you

take care

nina

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Good to have you back, lady nina ! And wise comments on the fear of change, the tendency to hang on to the misery we know.
I seem to remember there was a great old folk-story, was it Hassidic? Of the Great Tree of Sorrow ? Somewhere in the forest there was a huge tree with low-hanging branches. And if we found it, we were allowed to take off all our sorrows and problems and hang them onto a branch and leave them there --- on condition that we walked round the tree, and chose another person's set of sorrows, and put them on, instead. It was said that after walking roud the tree a few times, everyone would put back on their own sorrows, before walking away.
And, as you say, within "strong people", sometimes part of our strength has depended on fortifications we have built, and which may need to be shifted and changed where they now protect us against things we want to reach

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Our users say:
Posted by: Not sure | 2005/01/13

Same thing that the psychologist asked me. Why do I say if I do not love him anymore and do not see him as part of my future. What is the force that keeps me with him? We still have to discuss this.

Reply to Not sure

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