Posted by: Jules | 2008/10/30

Fathers death

my mother is driving me insane - my dad died in August after 3yrs of being ill, I saw his death as an end to his suffering but my mother is moody nd has turned to tablets to " ease her pain" . In my eyes she is a drama queen, when he was alive her reason for taking tablets was becos she had to look after him, now he is dead and she is till taking tablets cos now she misses him, talk about double standards. She is 68 and there is nothing wrong with her, she is absolutely healthy that it is actually a sin. She is also very conniving and a liar, i live at home with her and my younger brother, she bad mouths my other brother and sisters to us, but then she does the same to us, talk kak about us to them. i cannot handle it - i feel like strangling her, i actually reached the point where i question Gods wisdom in taking my father before her!!!!! She should be preparing for her death instead she has become more materialistic and impossible. I dread going home int he evening. I left my drug abusing husband and voila from the fire into the pot. I see her as a weak person the same way i saw my husband as weak and unfortunately i cannot handle weak people. A part of me want to run away but another part keeps me at home cos i know my mother needs care, its just that in my state of mind i don' t think i can give her the care and love as she deserves and needs. Am i being too harsh and unreasonable? I feel that we should have her admitted to detox as tablets is not the answer to lifes ups nd downs. To handle these knocks u need a strong character and i can' t stand wek people around me.

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Our expert says:
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Sam makes some good sense. She is an old woman, and caring for someone you love who is dying, for several years, is a major burden. Maybe she feels its her turn to be cared for, maybe she is genuinely overcome with grief now. She deserves support and help. NOW, that said, abusing pills won't help her at all, and by rendering her efefctively drunk much of the time, may make her needlessly irritating to you and others, and deserves treatment. Discuss this calmly with her, and arrange with her support ( it won't work, without her support ) for detox and follow-up counselling to help her get off the meds and to stay off them. DOn't keep blaming her for being "weak" --- you'll be weak yourself, one day.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Sam | 2008/10/30

Just remember one thing your mom raised you and taught you things in life and she did that because she loved you and was patient with you, why can' t you extend her the same curtisy now that she' s older and needs you?

Don' t treat her like this it' s not fair to her she deserves much more from you. She has lost her partner in life and that' s something you never get over. Be a little bit sensitive towards her and her feelings.

Her time left with you should be precious to you alot of people don' t have that. Not everyone out there is like you and it' s not fair to judge them on the type of people they are, weakness is a problem for you that is something you should deal with. The disrespect you have for your mother is shocking.

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